Indah ke Perkahwinan?

“Too often, the thing we want the most is the one thing we cannot have. Desire leaves us heartbroken , it wears us out. Desire wrecks our life”
Dr Meredith Gray

That was the ultimatum that I had the other day.

There has been so much unhappiness around me lately that I decided that yesterday was the much needed break that I want. Ignore the fact that it was my birthday; I felt that I needed time to reflect upon my life.

I guess I should be happy that I am still non-committed to a single soul. When friends pour out their relationship issues, I feel content that at least I do not have to deal with such heartbreaking dilemma. At least some part of it is true.

We are fools when it comes to love.

We marry young when we think that fulfilling our sexual drive is with utmost importance. Sometimes we succumb to the peer pressure or the longing of our partner for what they say ‘better future’.

Recently, I learned that marriage lives are not all that rosy and wonderful. When I should empathized with the torment my friends are suffering, I feel glad that I did not have anyone to angst about. (Well, who would want to marry me at this state of mind anyways?)

Why make such rash decision about marrying someone when you have a slight doubt about each other. When my best friend got married this year, I asked her over and over again, “Are you sure?” (sorry dear I had to use you as an example, but the fact that you don’t blog and no one knows you made it easier to blog about you. Haha. Forgive me later). They’ve been fighting for as long as I known them made it much harder for me to digest the fact that this girl who’s been my childhood friend is tying the knot with a guy whom she often cries over. But I guess their love for each other was stronger than the petty little things that they fight over.

Some friends of mine didn’t able to hold that love after marriage. What happen in between? Simple.. Men change after they got married.

Male egocentric.. chauvinist… all of the above.

The first half of the year was full of joy and happiness of knowing that your friends are getting married, but lately I have been listening about what he didn’t do, or what he has became after they are legally married. World is so twisted.

We don’t really know our partner very well that when we felt that we’ve made one big mistake, there is no turning back. Before this, there always were the third wheels when we get into a fight, but after married, you are forbidden to tell tale of your marriage to a single soul. Berdosa namanya. In other words, no more bitching about men to your girlfriends, or seeking advice from your male counterpart.

I guess I am never suited for married life, as I fear the commitment I am putting myself into. It’s not that I do not believe in the marriage institution, but is there such magic that led you to believe that investing your whole life to just one person would be wise? What is it likes to love someone madly, that you are willing to wake up next to the same person every single morning?

Sometimes we get married because we needed security. He may not be the one whom we have fallen madly in love with, but the one who would be willing to love us for the rest of their life. Question, should we choose the one who’d love us unconditionally, or the one whom we really long for? Which brings in more happiness?

After talking to a few married ladies, I feel scared about the idea of getting married. If I do get married, I feel like I would go cold feet right before one. Heck, I might not get married, and it scares me more. I am not sure what I want in life, and that is just silly of me.

But maybe its because I have not find the right person for me to spend my whole life with.

Wait, retract that. I have, but he’s non committal.

If he asked me to marry him, I might even give my consent right away. Well, if only…

So, what does that leave me?

A woman with lots of choices?

Girl power?

Pengalaman pertama white water rafting'ku

I went white water rafting on Sunday, and met up with this Egyption friend whom I haven’t seen for quite some time.

We talked about politics, religion, current issues and all the heavy stuff that can transpire on the ‘Malaysia dilemma’. I guess it was all the adrenalin pumping action from the rafting that intensity the passion to deepen the discussion.

I would say that I am now a strong supporter of Mahathir. Back then bila hidung masih hingusan, I was a great critics of him. But as you grow older and began to enter the professional/working world, you’d notice that if Mahathir listen to critics like me (and multiply that by a few hundred thousand), we would never see the likes of KLCC, KLIA or even Putrajaya today. How despicable and shameful of me. Now that I work in KLCC (and proud to be), and seeing the vast improvement that Malaysia now enjoys, I finally see the vision of this wonderful man who has light-years thinking ahead.

Today, the man has to bear the same critic. Who are we to pass judgement on the man who has made it happen to Malaysia?

My Egyption friend said this, “I love Malaysia. When I heard Malaysian criticize Mahathir, I am appaled myself! We have never heard of Malaysia before, but we know Mahathir. He was a great symbol to the country. How can the Malaysian today be so ungrateful.”

What we read in the paper before this was all there. Malaysia is nothing if not for the great man. He was even a great leader to the Muslim community. Remember back then when he was a great supporter for the Islamic currency before it finally falls apart after he step down? Even Bush is terrified of this old man. The aura he posses speaks wonder for himself.

Later on, when we were in the bus going back to KLCC, I was seated next to few interesting colleagues with mixed parentage background whom all exercises their right to speak Chinese.

Later they came with an interesting question to Lefty.

“What is my race?”
Half Chinese Half Malay
75% Chinese, 25% Malay
“What do you call us?”

Lefty interrupted. “We are Malaysian”

“But how do you fill up the form?”

“We are still Malaysian. Would it matter?”

Yeah, now that you think about it, does it matter? Are we Malaysian enough?

Enough of this political nonsense, some pix from whiter water rafting..

Macam pelarian ... sakit bontotku duduk atas jip ini. Adus
Briefing session fella.. Please pay attention

Getting into the boat. Excited gila la...

Fuh penat... Ok, find me!

Rough terrain.. Haha.. Not really

Ala... Why la i tak capsize. Haha

Look at that...

Memorable pix after...

Going back. You can see me sandwhiched behind

The cool chicks had real fun!

Leaving.. Walla.. Sedih..

Life is complicated. sigh.

Forgive me for being missing.

MY LIFE is complicated

Angkasawanku.. Heroku...

10/10/2007 on 21:21 hours
Our first Malaysian astronaut blasted off to space on Soyuz TMA-11

I didn’t join the many Malaysians who went to watch the historical moment in Merdeka Square. It was such a relieved that I didn’t, after being told that the giant screen was not working, hence they had to resort to sharing the small screen TV provided. Not to say that I am not patriotic enough to have shared the joy with thousand others proud Malaysian. I do, yes I do, but I prefer to share my joy in the quiet comfort of my small home better.

So anyway, there have been mixed opinions about sending off Malaysian very first astronaut.

WHAT the fuss all about?
Could we have done it without having spent millions of taxpayers’ money into purchasing military helicopter equipments from Russia?
The achievement is not really ours to claim, as it would have been more meaningful had we gone into space with our very own space rocket.
Why couldn’t the government spend the money to further improve our domestic trade and economy?

While writing this, I am very much confused myself. I am not sure whether I supported the cause, or I just simply do not care. If not for the very strong objection from some anonymous citizen, I would simply choose the latter. Then I re-discover my passion for debate, hence this.

I felt proud knowing that one of Dr M’s visions has materialize. You couldn’t stop but wonder how he could think light-years ahead of other people. And your zealous crazy mind would have thought that his brain would be an interesting specimen to study (gosh… that’s some twisted mine I have).

When people ask me, am I proud? I would not have qualm to say yes. For me, we need heroes. While politicians have sickened me for their lack of creative contribution to the society lately, the general public has chosen to look elsewhere for source of inspiration.

Just like Dato’ Dr Mohamad Nor Khalid @ Lat who has done it with Kampung Boy, (btw, Dato’ is now in Washington as the only Asian to be invited to the International Comic Art Forum. He would also be there to launch his new book, Town Boy after the success of Kampung Boy which became no 1 for Editors Choice in the United States) AND SO did cicakman (which ability includes it’s power of fast healing, sticking to walls and ceilings and the ever-so-useful tongue-extension mechanism) our friendly occupants of most homes in Malaysia TO THE EVER SO FAMOUS Mawi, the chap next door. As both Lat & Cicakman are heroes envision by its creator, you’d feel excited knowing that Asmawi Ani and Syeikh Muszaphar Shukor al Masrie are heroes on our very own backyard, whom we groom and grow so fond off. While Mawi is the simple, good looking and yet very humble person, Syeikh Muszaphar comes in the form of a handsome, well established-doctor cum part time model, What else could you have ask for?

Five years from now, you are very sure that he would be entitled to a Datuk-ship, still remain a bachelor (for whatever reason you know) and would be ever-so famous and rich. He would be getting the same adoration from the public similar to what Mawi have enjoyed. I can already imagine looking at dozens of his billboards while driving, his many advertisement that will follow (as if he has not gotten use to that), co-starring in movies by Professor-Madya-you-know-who and then probably producing his own hari raya tracks.

Lalalala.. lalala… A new hero on it’s way! And he’s a yummy treat.

Negeri Kelantan Kebanggan .. KU? MEREKA?

MI and I were kissing goodbye, and wishing each other ‘Selamat Hari Raya’, when we then bumped into Jd. MI then asked Jd, ‘You are Kelantanese right’ and ended her conversation with something like, ‘Don’t marry many’.

I was quite shocked. If MI wasn’t a very close friend of mine, I would have found that the remark was very insulting. But knowing MI, and her innocent in understanding the Malay culture, I forgave her instantly.

Little did MI knew that I am Kelantanese myself (well, my parent that is). And when I told MI, she was shocked. “Now, does that change your perception about Kelantanese? See, they are not so typical. Haha”, Jd said. True, I am not like any typical Kelantanese. The ways I talk, walk and poise myself disarray the normal perception about people from Pantai Timur.

Living with parents who speak Kelantan at home doesn’t make me any more Kelantanese. I can honestly admit that I could not at all speak the native tongue. I have been living in KL ever since I was born. The only sibling of mine who is eligible to own property in Kelantan is my eldest sister, as she is the only one who bore the state birth certificate. I have to admit that none of my family member wears tudung (except for me mom), and we have been totally colonized by the urban upbringing. Except however, our big family signifies our origins. I would have to say that it has become a custom for Kelantanese to have a big family (hence mine) where the more kids you have signify more of your success. Then, come your children’s education. The further they go, the proud the parents would be. Well, that is the typical keluarga Haji Daud (my grandfather).

What is it about Kelantanese that scares off other people? I would have to rephrase that. What is it about Kelantanese that scares off KL people?

Nowadays, you could hear the dialect being spoken mostly in pasar malam, Chow Kit area, and discreetly in offices of high rising towers. Kelantanese has become an epidemic that is spreading fast all over the country. It’s not surprising as a typical Kelantan family could easily have 6 childrens, whom will all travel all over the state for promise of better future. Child 1 to JB, Child 2 to Malacca, Child 3 to Pahang, Child 4 & 5 to KL, and maybe Child 6 to take care of the sawah bendang back home. The more the merrier right.

So, what is it about Kelantanese kahwin banyak ni?

People have a lot of different perception about Kelantanese. These people are the group of people whom would cause rivalry in school dorms. Kelantanese like to stick to their own kind, mostly because they are more familiar with oneself OR maybe because people alienate them due to their differences? I never like to admit that I am Kelantanese, unless being interrogated in details. Why? I would be accused of ‘lupa daratan’ by the Kelantanese simply because I don’t speak the native tongue and I don’t act like one, OR being alienated by those who like to discriminate against one.

Bigotry.

I sometimes wonder why people from Kedah does not receive the same treatment? Is it because most of our leaders are Orang Utara, that we are so accustomed to them? Heck, I sometimes even speak Utara just to adapt to my surroundings. Why don’t we point out their flaws? Or, why not people from –Ganu? They are just next door to Kelantan! Maybe whatever flaws that Kelantanese have might rub off on them?

Have you heard of this phrase?

Kalau tidak malas, bukan Melayu
Kalau tidak tipu, bukan Cina
Kalau tidak minum, bukan India

If you’re not lazy, you’re not Malay
If you don’t cheat, you’re not Chinese
If you don’t drink, you’re not Indian

SO…
Each race has it’s own distinct character? NOOO..
But people from each state can simply be clustered into it’s set of bad vs good? YES? NO?

We are all racist in maybe the most minimal amount. I would say that deep inside, maybe I am. But lately, I just don’t care anymore. I take pleasure in telling other people that I am going back to Kelantan for raya this year, much to other people’s amazement. “You are from Kelantan?”, and the very same look that I have gotten use to.

I might not be so much connected to my roots, but I am proud that my family originated from somewhere. I enjoyed the scenic drive of watching kerbau, sawah and rumah kampong berdinding papan beratap zink. Now, we are persuading abah to move to Kundang, so that we can enjoy those kampong style environment whenever Raya. This small house can no longer fit the 11 grandchildren who comes back during Raya.

So, whatever it is, I am proud of my family, and the very place that my parent Haji Sidik@Sidek and Hajah Halimah originated from.

To all of you…
Selamat Hari Raya you all! Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Luahan Wanita Ini

Women are easily hurt, so is that the reason why we get hurt many times? Is it an obvious fact that women can be taken aback over small matters? Is that the very reason why men just do not bother as much?

As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes it makes perfect 0-0 sense. That’s why sometimes men seem oblivious to the changes in women’s temperament. It’s an everyday scenario that if they tend to credit it, it would be an eventual disaster to them in the future.

And that is the very reason why women easily forgive. We are actually forgiving our own flaws.

Is that an acceptable justice to all women?

I had this thought going through my head while driving back (slowly driving back, as I am driving using a spare tire which is only competent enough to allow maximum speed of 80 km/h. Second time tayar pancit.. da…)

I am giving someone a chance, over and over again. My friend told me to get over it, as this person has yet to show his sincere level. But again, how would another girl know better. Maybe this person is just different?

I remembered how I was in the past, when I would let myself get hurt over and over again because I hate the idea of separation. For me, for whatever happens, you can always work things out. You work things out… and sometimes the things you fight about are silly things that would today make you feel immature. That’s why sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change everything.

Some people wouldn’t, I know. It’s because they are happy with their life, and the people all around them. I think I would say the same, one day, when I am truly happy. Then, I would tell other people, that I would never trade my life’s experience with anything.. ever. What I am experiencing now are just the ups and DOWNs that other normal people would.

Well, who am I to complain?

I decided I would no longer make an attempt to correct things, and to pursue something badly. Just gonna let nature takes it course. So far, it has done me well.

So, forgive or not to forgive? Miss Indelicate... You’ve been in this shoe so many times. You’ve forgiven him ALL the time. How different would it be for me to give this person a second, third or even a million zillion chance? Stop. Don’t complicate matters. Cause he’s a stranger, that’s why. I don’t even know him well enough. Da!

Then again, Mr D question this guy’s intention. Maybe, he’s not completely honest with you. If you like someone, you’d try to make it up to them one way or another. Has he done that?
Hearing this from another guy startle me. Even Mr D is not entirely convinced about this guy.

Luck is running out on this guy.

Heck, am I thinking too much? Again, woman and her many silly thoughts… realizing that I am that silly woman.

Lelaki Itu Untuk Aku!?

Indeed an interesting article. Made me think hard... So thinking i did...
Quote of the day: THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances."

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can "make

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can "make"

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling .
Remember this always"God determines who walks into your life ,It is up to you to decide who you walk away, who you allow tostay, and who you refuse to let go. It's all in your mind to make the decision, and remember when there is opportunities, go for it and consider,And the right decision made, you will be happy forever. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling . Remember this always "God determines who walks into your life , It is up to you to decide who you allow to walk away, who you allow to stay, and who you refuse to let go , It's all in your mind to make the decision, Pray hard and god will show you the journey , and remember when there is opportunities, go for it and consider, And the right decision made, you will be happy forever. "

Aku dalam kesakitan... Fizikal

I spent my whole day today on the bed… sleeping. Had a terrible pain in the stomach last night, one in which I thought that I seriously was having severe ‘labour-pain’. Was awaken in the middle of the night with the sharp pain, aching. Moving relentlessly for about an hour until I finally decided to call my brother to come and pick me up, and and accompany me to see the doctor at freaking 2 am.

The doctor didn’t know what was wrong, but the pain was unbearable. I took the quick-fix shot, and yeah, it was right on the ass. The pain disappear a while later, and I was able to get a good night sleep after that

Lots of thoughts coming to my head, and lots of names ran across my mind. I wish I had someone to cuddle me and say that it’s all right. I wish I could have called someone at that moment, and tell him how much pain I was in. I wish, yet my wish did not materialize.

So, how am I today? The pain is still there, but only when I move around. I can pinch my stomach, and feel a sensation of pain going straight to my head. I walk like an 80 year old, and during solat, I pray to God to take away this unbearable pain.

Well, I managed to finish reading the book by Kam Raslan, “Confession of an Old Boy”. I thought that I could learn some tips about Old Boys, but the book was purely fictional. Not much help there. Didn’t think that the book was that great either, but yeah, ‘bolehlah’. My next book would either be,”Honk if You’re Malaysian”(I am not sure why I am so much into Malaysian publication lately), or The Secret (since Da & Jaded did promote the book to me and it somehow change their life). I am not sure why I am obsessed with reading one book per week. I guess I have none better to do, and it’s just one way to keep my mind off things

I must tell you that I have started to work almost as hard as last year (where I would come weekends, and spending late nights at work), and when at home, I am now spending more time on the bed. I just got bored of the life I have now, and the guys I have been dating. Errkkk, I promise myself I won’t write about my silly relationship dilemma, but what can you do when your mind wonders incessantly?

Life and it’s complicated wonders

Still in pain.

Still having hope.

Saya orang Melayu... dan beragama Islam

I have just finished the book, I Am Muslim by Dina Zaman. It was an intriguing reading but my mind start to wander off slightly after going through ¾ of the book. Maybe I felt that there was less humour and brain-thinking put into it. But overall, it is a thumb up! You guys should definitely have a go with it.

Sa/Sa asked me this interesting question. If non-Muslim (or largely the non-Malay) converts as Muslim by pronouncing the shahadah and then implement the 5 Rukum Islam, what about us the Malays? Religion is not inherited. Are we in every way Muslim, if we never say the shahadah? At what point does Malay become a Muslim?

Interesting, right.

Dina didn’t go into too much detail about akidah, ibadah, etc. She mainly touches on Malay, non-Malay and Islam. It is sad but true to note that some Muslim would go beyond the norm using religion as an excuse, and sometimes Islam is what you see on the outside, but far from what is inside. Does how we dress dictate what religion we believe? What about those with hijab yet always longing for their same kind, the epidemic of gay guys in the country (my my, a good friend of mine is actually gay), or married guys who forces their wife to perform anal sex, or as we go deeper, what about masturbating? What big sin we see now happening in the 20th century.

Repent! Repent!

Because they do not discover religion on their own, they don’t appreciate the modesty of Islam.

Repent! Repent!

Am I a Muslim?

My first shahadah might have been when I was in the kindergarden. We were thought the simple ‘bismillah’ before we start eating, and ‘Al Fatihah’ to start off the class, and not to forget the kalimah shahadah as a devoted Muslim. It made me curiously wonder, Was I Muslim then?
Have I been a good believer? The last time I read the Quran was slightly over 3 months ago. But I do remember God a lot (especially in time of need).
Do I score bonus point? I don’t drink. I don’t swear. I talk to God a lot (especially on my misery).

So, I think I am definitely Muslim. Are you?

Negaraku Tanah Tumpah Darahku

I am not trying to be racist or sound too harsh on the reality of Malaysia today when we have just celebrated our 50th year of independence (whether its Malaya or Malaysia, it still is Independence Day for our nation. Why should it matter?)

Anyway, today is the start of Ramadhan. So, I woke up to the normal sahur at 5 am and watched Majalah 3 on TV3 (da!). The episode today is on the famous Tok Dalang in Kelantan, an art master for the ‘Wayang Kulit’. To date, there are 9 registered ‘Wayang Kulit’ group in Kelantan, and I am pleased to note that there is a non-Malay Tok Dalang in the group who spoke flawless Kelantanese, and look every bit Malaysian. It amazed me that there are other ethnic who appreciates the art and culture that Malaysia has.

And it reminded me to a very good friend of mine, Ey’de Lefty who is also from Kelantan. He also speak flawless Malay, and people seldom mistaken him as a Malay. We call him Aiman sometimes.

Am I being every bit racist here? So, you are Malaysian if you appreciate Malay culture, and speak Malay fluently?

I wouldn’t say that. I embrace other ethnic. I watch Chinese movies and dramas (where I can even understand Cantonese from those hours and hours of watching Chinese soaps), Hindustan 3-long hour movie, and even at one time, tried learning Mandarin. To me, I would like to proudly say that Malaysian is those who embrace other ethnic and culture, and proud to be at the very soil of Malaysia!

Have you wonder how Indonesian can be sooo.. Indonesian? Because they embrace the Indonesian culture! It doesn’t matter what race you are, Indonesian are typical Indonesin in every angle you see it.

Racist.. racist..

NOOO…

I do have this particular friend of mine back during the study days in Melbourne, who couldn’t speak any Malay or know of the Malay culture, but appreciate the little knowledge he knows of Malaysia. Having spent his whole childhood in Hong Kong doesn’t make him any less Malaysian. He could have stayed and work in Melbourne, but he wanted to come home and work in Malaysia, as he believes that there are a lot of things he can do for his proud nation. We were mentor and mentee of each other, both eager to learn about the other culture. He might not able to speak Malay, but he is Malaysian in every way.

When I went to a function in Malacca last month, we were asked to stand and sing the Negaraku. It surprised me when some could not. Maybe the famous u-tube version of Negaraku made more impact to them, as they then fallen to silent retreat.

When the minority outgrows the majority and these minorities does not appreciate Malaysia’a culture & heritage, what will the future hold for the nation?

Bukan Salah Mereka?

After the posting yesterday, I had an interesting text from someone I knew a while ago. Little that I knew that this guy is married. Haha, an interesting good looking character from Indonesia. I should have known. 30-something year old guy, handsome, and reserved… That’s a typical married man.

The last time we met was sometime late last year, after I bravely interviewed him on his personal life. Then, I was made to know that he is married with 2 children, and the latest addition to his family is only 1 month old then. And interestingly, it was the last time we’ve ever spoken to each other until the text came yesterday. I guess he was embarassed then.

I woke up early this morning. Went down, had breakfast with my parent, listen to some guy talking about Budget 2008 (whom my parent later explained is our Finance Minister), and then switched on the tv to watch 3rd Generation, a Malaysian production that revolves around Mr Chan’s 3rd Generation family.

The morale of the movie was pretty obvious (and it was a great effort from the Malaysian film industry), but I was more intrigue by the relationship that Charlie Chan had. He is already married to a beautiful woman who is very loyal to him (played by the gorgeous Amber Chia), but also has a mistress who would support him even during tough times (played by the lovely Carmen Soo). Two fantastic characters are victim of the situation. They are in love with the same character, yet it is indeed not their fault that their pure hearts are madly in love with the same guy.

I just finished a book written by Sheila O’ Flanagan, “Yours Faithfully”. It’s about Sally Harper, a matured sofiscated woman who is very much in love with his husband of twenty years, and Iona Brannock, who married a handsome man he met on the beach for just a few months. Typical love story? Yeah, you could say that, except for the fact that they are married to the same man! Their life story collided, and these fantastic woman have to accept the fact that they are betrayed by the man they love. If only Christian can marry as Muslim does. Haha. But, would you mind sharing?

So, I look at all these women who are sharing husband… They are all fantastic in their own ways, and that’s why the husband chooses them. Maybe the first woman for comfort and provider, and the next one for purely good sex. You’d never know. But all in all, these women complete him.

So elaborative, yet I don’t know what’s the morale of this post.
Maybe…
It’s not their fault???

Temanku Suami Orang

So, what do you think of married men?

I have been having this secret crush with one of the bosses here in my company. He's handsome, intelligent yet very young. What more can you ask for.

It made you wonder what he's like when he was young. If you knew him then, would you have done something about it?

So, what is it about married men that turn people on?

Good friend of mine, AS was involved with a married man once. She was on verge of breakdown, and had loose all interest to live. Then came this guy into the picture. This is guy is the type who would slide notes under your papers, who would text you those romantic words, the one who wouldn't turn up to the office as he couldn't bear not having the sight of you at the workstation. Married man easily turns you on, as they know how best to treat you.

Another good friend YK IS having a relationship with a married man. The feeling is mutual. Maybe because she's very successful now and her fiancée stupidly broke off the engagement, that she hasn’t found any interesting single guys. Why bother having another painful break up when you do have a guy who knows how to treat you right, and make you FEEL right?

So, the situation has not been very promising for these people. Would I succumb to the same path, God forbid!

While I would have crush here and there, I couldn’t imagine myself sharing the same guy, ever! But what would happen if I do? It’s complicated & hard, being in the position that I am now.

But A is still an option to explore, and B would be one of the top priority :p

Trivia Hari Ini

Is the glass half full, or half empty?

Aku Suka Dia.. Dia Suka Aku.. Entahlah?

Have you notice that we’d do stupid things around the people we like? Unless you want to totally disregard that person…

I must tell you that I think I like this special someone, whom I frequently do stupid things just to check whether he is into me or not. Yeah, stupid I know. I would send/reply his smses with a certain flirtatious question, just to check whether he will flirt back. Lately, he has not been responding well.

How do I do this when I used to be so good in words?

I want to share with you something interesting. I am currently E’s advisor in her relationship, while she’s in mine. If we are so much alike, and we are currently advising each other, why can’t we solve our own personal love dilemma? Maybe, the other person could always see the bigger picture, and could perhaps steer the direction better.

E has made to a certain point in getting the guy, but I am still in the losers pool. Perhaps I am a much better councilor than I am an activitist. I fail to execute, but as a planner, am very best at what I do for a living.. plan other people’s life.

When I met this guy a few months back, I felt the sudden attraction. I never had the chance to know him personally until a few weeks back. We got close, and closer. I have always wanted to get to know him.. and then I spoil it.

I spoil every single relationship that I had for reasons that I am not even sure of. I was about to go steady with this guy I know, but suddenly… it was not meant to be. Don’t ask me how and why, ask him.

Yesterday after Isyak, I prayed to God. I prayed that I have met the One in this guy, and I prayed that this guy would respond. I know he is somewhat attracted to me, but he doesn’t really like me yet. But somehow, I can see myself with him.

I used to telling people that I want to get married on the 20.10.2010, but I am not so sure of its feasibility.. it seems most unlikely at time. I hate playing games anymore. I just want a stable relationship. I definitely do not feel like settling down now, but I wanted so much for this guy to say it.. say that he likes me to.

Semasa dan Selepas KUANTAN

Me and few good friends of mine had the normal the normal ‘warong kopi borak’ earlier this evening (after the 3 hours long drive of ours from Kuantan). We talked about the kind of guys that we are dating, those that bore us, and the criteria that we have for our dream partner.

So here it goes…

CRITERIA PERSON 1
Alim
Non-drinker
Tall
Tak poyo
Chinese Look
Men in Uniform
6 pack
Into sports
Responsible
Smart dresser
Ambitious
Understanding, but jealous sket
Thoughtful
Bad boy look
Suka nyanyi

CRITERIA PERSON 2
Tall
Broad shoulder/sedap peluk
Intellectual
Plays tennis
Not working in the same company
Alim sikit2 la
Non-drinker
Compatibility
Can easily to adapt other people
Love making surprises
Older (at least 2/3 years)
Fair
A good cook
Can sing and play the guitar
Suka Jalan2
Romantic
Stronger emotionally

CRITERIA PERSON 3
Intellectual
Caring
Alim
Independent
Non-drinker
Non-smoker
Committed
Good kisser
Responsible
Matured
Understanding
Bad boy look
Romantic

CRITERIA PERSON 4
Cute
Pandai
Muda
Engineer
Rambut lurus/panjang
Mata menggoda macam ***
Hot
Understanding
Pandai Urut
Fully develop
Hard to satisfy
Good cook
Pandai nyanyi
Love s*x
Hard to control, but uncontrollable
Suka makan pisang

CRITERIA PERSON 5
Tinggi
Adventurous
Pandai
Cute
Tua sikit
Experienced
IT background
Rambut panjang
Muka tu penting
Understanding
Pandai urut
Love s*x

So yeah, you can figure out by now that there are at least 5 people in the borak-borak, and consists of both guys and girls. Which one is my criteria? Haha… I might not even be in the list pun.

We have all these criterias, but surprisingly, some of these friends of mine hook up with totally the opposite. So yeah, don’t worry too much. We are not looking for an ideal partner. Haha.

Finding a partner is a tough one, but raising a kid I think would be equally challenging (equally.. think again). I was at the Muzium Tokoh earlier in Kuantan as we wanted to waste our time off before heading back to Kuala Lumpur.

It was very interesting to read and see historian such as Tok Gajah, Mat Kilau, Dato’ Bahaman who has fought off British from Pahang, these strong characters who have now earn the respect and recognition from the society. The new era sees Sudirman earning the same respect as the man who has brought much needed soul to the music industry, and he hails from Temerloh, Pahang.

I have high respect towards them, and the same goes by the other 20 something million people in Malaysia. At some point, you would start thinking whether what you do now would ever live to earn the same courtesy of respect?

Anyway, in the future, how would I later as a parent teach my children to acknowledge this achievement, and teach them to respect others? We read it in the book, and it was even briefly put on our history syllabus. But, have we ever appreciated it?

I wish my parent have taken me to a lot of different museums when I was younger. I would have definitely appreciated history to this kind of exposure.

Museum Negara is under the much needed refurbishment. Interestingly, my best friend Salwa is the engineer in charge of the construction and Interior Design. Had the first preview of what they are currently doing, and my my…. What a great surprise. Was proud of you dear! I think this is what is needed to excite people about going to the Museum.

SO…..

Moral of the story: Bawalah anak pergi ke museum! Nanti Sejarah dapat A1.
Translate: Bring your kids to the museum! They will sure get A1 for History.
Silly.. Merapu.. I know. Hahahahhaha

Perempuan Memang Banyak Kerenah Kan...

SUHANA: I find that this is in someway true.. Some ..1.. 5.. 7.. Haha.. The secret of winning. But just take note, the ones in red is what every pathetic annoying guy would say. But yeah, some are very misguiding indeed, but some are just what every girl seek for.

So for your reading pleasure, here it is
-----------------------


Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do,and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.

Someone recently sent me an email titled 26 things a perfect guy would do. I thought "hmm, nobody could possibly send me anything so stupid, it can't possibly be as dumb as it sounds." I stand corrected. The email was just as advertised: a wish list of how women supposedly want men to act, as if men in this country weren't already an episode of Friends away from turning into giant walking vaginas.

I never thought I'd ever read anything that would induce my gag reflex so quickly, and this is after having read the details of an anal prolapse that a friend sent me tonight. Here is the abridged list (because the full list might literally cause you to barf on your keyboard, and frankly, it's not worth reading), followed by my response to each "thing" that a "perfect guy would do:"

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down! When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice. What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that shit makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence. Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.

4. Give you the remote control during the game. This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you. LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.

6. Play with your hair. Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?

7. His hands always find yours. This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.

8. Be cute when he really wants something. Bullshit. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.

9. Offer you plenty of massages. For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork. Let's face it: there are few things in this world
more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.

11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts. See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to shit like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.

12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1. Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.

13. Stare at you. You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.

14. Call for no reason. Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."

Interesting, right!

Aku Ingin .. Sangat Ingin

I am at the point where i forgot my own blog address, and had to click through one of those blog address that you kept in your in your 'Add to You Favourites'. That is a how long i haven't been blogging.

It's a wonder what internet serves, as you can even google your name up and see yours truely appears in someone else's blog. Then you realises that there are anonymous out there who actually read your blog, and interestingly, kept your link in their blog. Suddenly you felt important.

Lately, i haven't felt important to anyone, except for maybe my boss. He needs me to organise his work, thus my trip to Turkmenistan last week. At least, someone appreciates you.

I just haven't got the luck i wanted. I badly wanted it. This is again just some stupid feeling of loneliness creeping through. I want badly.. to be wanted so bad.

Bola Sepak 5-0? Merdeka 5-0?

So Tengku Abdullah announced his resignation from FAM effective this morning, which was then followed by Khairy’s. Azalina see this as an opportunity to seek all senior FAMs’ who thinks that new changes should take place to follow suit. Well, these are the kind of sacrifice those people are urged to do.

It is indeed a bold move, but would it really be the solution to Malaysia’s foot ball team? The big 5-1 and 5-0 lost is indeed a tribute to Malaysia big ‘5-0’ years of independent. I guess they were just playing their part of patriotism to the country.

I am indeed proud to be Malaysian, but these people are indeed not. No sports training in London can help them to become better. We surely showed them that we are ‘jaguh kampong’, cause we did play like one.

I should have shown some encouragement, at least try not to be so critical. That is how typical and judgemental I am these days.

Last week, PETRONAS had it’s sports carnival. Two weeks of trying to balance both trying to organize the annual Engagement Session (where I was the Chief de Mission) and actively participating in dragon boat (where I was the drummer/flag holder and my Boss is EXPRO’s Chief de Mission). It was tough. We were badly beaten by all competing teams, where we ended 6th. Luckily EXPRO contingent wasn’t being harsh or critical. We slip 2 places from 4th to 6th, and we only managed to contribute 2 points to the contingent (Congrats to EXPRO who emerged champion!). We tried, but everyone just got way better.

So, what was wrong? Two weeks of intensive training doesn’t pave way to winning. All other teams had better preparation since a year ago, where some even competes at national level. We just didn’t stand a chance. So, what does that tell you? Preparation should start from now, and not just as and when there is a competition. That is what is wrong about Malaysian football team. Too much talk, but lack of preparation. Too much action item, but no action taken. That was what was also wrong about the dragon boat team. We only talked about winning year by year, but a year goes by and two weeks of intensive training before the championship doesn’t help much. All other teams were serious about winning and it shows.

Lesson for the day? Don’t wait for another full investigation is done, reports compiled etc which will take another few wasted months. Take action now! Now! Now!

Oh.. Kahwin Lagi?

So Pak Lah and Jeanne got married. Me and dd were in Putrajaya, and decided to stalk the wedding. We drove up to Kompleks Seri Perdana, but got nowhere near the action.

Weird thing why everyone chosen yesterday as THE day to tie the knot. I had three invitations, all in Kelana Jaya, Cheras and Kedah respectively. dd got another two in Putrajaya and Tabung Haji. We ended going to the one in Kelana Jaya, Putrajaya and Tabung Haji. Berkenduri dengan jayanya as some might say.

Everyone with their perfect ending. Isn’t life great this way.

So, talking about marriage… I was thinking that maybe 20.08.2008 is a good time to get married. But, yeah, it’s too soon. So I guess 20.10.2010 is a great timing as well. Haha. At least I’ll be 27 then.. matured and ready to get married. No rush… Boo!

Oleng & Hariz... Congrats guys

So, this very good friend of mine dah kahwin over the weekend. It was such a long journey to Kluang, which i really underestimated. I thought 2.5 hours sampaila. Actually, it's more of a 4 hours drive there.
Dahla Seremban jam gila cause apparently ada trailler yang terbalik. Fuhh.. Luckily i decided to ask Kimi whether bley join diorang drive down to Kluang. Kimi yang cuak kena gossip with me (ehem orang dah ada commitment) decided to ajak Wira to join me in the car.
But it was fun. At least like Wira said, dapat kenal kakak angkat sorang... ops... Hello.. I am not that old ok. Oleng pun kahwin ngan your friend, even with the two years age gap.

Anyway, i had lots of fun. And people keep bugging me with the lame question of "bila your turn?" I cakap.."Pakcik/makcik (in that context) doa2kan la untuk saya", or bila malas gila I will say, "Insya Allah next year".. Muahahahhaha...

So one friend got married! Congrats girl! Muah

Gambar pada malam pernikahan. Oleng memang nampak ayu sangat malam tu.. Bestnya kahwin. Memang berseri2.

Inilah saat2 mendebarkan semasa Oleng ditanya Pak Kadi.. Nak kahwin dengan Hariz tak. Haha.. Camne kalau dia cakap taknak. Takke skandal namanya. Then nak sign tu, mesti terketar gak. Seumur hidup ni. First time tengok sign depan mata.
Ahh.. Comelnya. Memang gambar paling best sekali..

Inilah kami.. Serius bidan terjun.. Tak tau plak malam tu kena jadi pengapit.. so memang tak sedondon. And Oleng & Hariz pakai baju merah kuning lambang kebanggan Selangor. Hahahaha..

Me and Kimi... the pengapit. Apa la Kimi.. tak sedondon langsung.. Hahaha.. Takpe, kira still matching la tu.. Hey, congrats la. Kata nak bertunang bulan 7 nanti. Cis.. Lagi awal dari aku..

Kami2 semua selepas makan dengan kenyangnya... From left Fahrin, Nizman, Faiz, Kimi, Wira, Hilman, Suhana and Hatta (sitting). Oh kali ini me and Kimi sedondon. Tapi tak nak amik sebelah2, takut kena gossip :p

The team and I with the pengantin.. I miss those guys. Hahaha

Me and Oleng just before I left for Kuala Lumpur. Sangat yuppies.

Anyway, the drive to home took about 7 hours. We left at 5pm, and i arrived home at about 11.30 pm. Penat gila. Apparently KL banjir.

This was a good road trip. The guys were funny (we had lots of those cerita cinta yang will stay in the car for good). You guys rock la. Ke I memang dah jadi one of the guys. Coolness ~~

A new beginning?

If he is not meant to be, just let him go. That is exactly what I am doing right now. Trying to let go.

So, I have been quiet. I was pre-occupied with something… or someone. But, I just realized (again) that it is not meant to be. Again, I am forcing myself to let go, and focus my mind elsewhere. Exactly what I did to F. Sigh.

I guess me and love never go the same path. I hate the fact that I am such a loser. I just want, this once to fall for a normal guy. Turns out that it is not all sweet and dandy.

I feel so much a loner. Who would actually take leave from work, to spend time at home, and then scroll through their phone list out of boredom? A loser that is.

I think I need to pick up the same pace that I had back in Melbourne. I was bold. I think it may be for the apparent reason that Wan was there to lift me back whenever I feel down. And I never felt bored with him. I bug him constantly, that’s why. Haha.

I need to make myself busy again. Join Puteri UMNO or whatever. Or start actively blogging again, maybe about current issues. Or join up a club/society and make myself visible. Don’t let guys control me. Hey, I used to be on top of my game.

Early this year, I had 19 things I want to do this year. Let’s go through that list.

1.Date someone famous – Haha. You wish.
2.I’ve already got 1, maybe 2 more to go. What? Well, secret.
3.I didn’t fall in love. But, I did fall for someone
4.Valentine – yeah. Did that. With that special someone? Sorta…
5.Bali – coming2.
6.Mt Kinabalu – Maybe end of this year. Probably..
7.US – money management issue. Tunggu bonus
8.Clear of credit card – 1 credit card cleared. Tapi terguna tadi. Tunggu bonus
9.First investment – unlikely. Sigh
10.Register a business – maybe I should have put a thought on it
11.yada yada yada
12.errk.. tennis competition? Ma-il…. Coach sir… where are you?
13.jogging weekly. Darn… will do!
14.45kg.. I am overweight. Since this is the target, will strive harder
15.I haven’t got any flowers this year. Prince charming tiada. Secret admirer pun tiada. Bosan kan hidupku.
16.learn mandarin – dulu nak impress a guy. Now, tiada lagi. But I am learning Russian. Can we just swap.
17.Part time job – did something early this year. And got paid some more. Hahaha..
18.XD – ala,.. will put that on my calendar
19.change signature cause my signature tak ong. Need to create a new one.

Woo.. I need to plan my life la. Now I realize that there are a long of things that I haven’t done. Tu la… Busy on some other things. Ok Suhana, you’ve got more things in life to discover. Stop thinking about that other thing ok. Be strong. I support YOU!

I have always been telling you lad whatever is in my mind, or whatever that has happen recently.

Here it goes. Boy meets girl … or the other way around.

The end.

Semuanya selamat?

I think love keeps me going. The enthusiasm of getting to know a person, or the feeling of maybe there will be a slight chance of happiness would be all over me, hence the excitement.

I haven’t felt that for quite a while. I only felt heartbroken. I feel empty.

Furlong said I’ve changed. I think that is very much true.

I am tired of waiting. I am tired of getting hurt. I want to escape. Take a long break from work.. and people.

Sometimes I feel suicidal. I am not sure how I am going to live my life.

Thanks Wan for all the things you’ve done for me. If you didn’t come out as my savior the other day, I would have already done something stupid. You’ve been a great friend. But, why were we not compatible when you understand me so much? Ego got in the way? Did I ask too much?

A person would need a purpose of living.. It’s what some companies normally envision as their mission statement. I think I lack that. I need to have a strong purpose. I need to chart my future.

I am not sure what my goals are. I see myself as very simple, yet people say that I’m complicated. I think I sometimes think too much. I observe, and I put too much thought to it.

You need to just go with the flow. Put on a brave smile every morning, and hide your true emotion. I am already sick with that.

That is woman with emotion. I think my PMS got in the way. That is why this long suicidal note. Don’t worry. I won’t do something stupid, God forbid.

I just need that one sign that everything would be ok. I just need to be with someone normal right now to TELL ME that everything would be ok. I just need that moment in time where I KNOW everything would be ok. I just want TO FEEL that everything would be ok. I won’t ask for more. Would everything be ok?

Kecamuk Minda Muncul Kembali

I missed calling someone 'sayang'... And i missed being called 'sayang'... I missed being pampered a lot.

Why the sudden emotion?

On Monday, I finally had the 'talk' with Vedder, and I pissed him badly. He ended leaving me at the restaurant. Maybe what I said somewhat triggered his hate towards me. But how can you ever leave a girl in the restaurant, feeling clueless.

Bad enough that you forgot about my birthday, but then you are angry and irritated at me for not remembering or maybe not knowing. Me, being honest, told you everything. It is very stupid being honest, and i am a stupid fool. And then, you paid the check and left. Such a drama king.

If Vedder, the guy i have all this while labelled as a gentleman can do this to me, what about the rest of male population? I feel very low at this point. That explains why i am still in the office at 10 freaking pm wondering about what I'm gonna do with my freaking life.

Then on Tuesday, maybe from the spin-off fight, I got sick. Down with fever and flu, and had to spend my whole day on bed. Well, look at the bright sight. At least it was a good rest.

On Wednesday, which is today, at 10 freaking pm, looking at the monitor thinking about what work TO DO NEXT and upon learning that my collegue Kak I is freaking 40 and not yet married, it scared the living out of me. Will that be me in 15 more years? God Forbid. Don't be too choosy Suhana.

I better stop before I have another breakdown.

Keresahan Dia

So, Mr Vedder wants to have THAT talk. I guess he's tired of waiting for me, and he thinks that he's being played. Is he? He doesn't mind the negative repercussion, and he just wanted it out of his syste for good.

I was furious when I read his sms last night without realizing that it is my fault as much. I keep on delaying this, and it is eating him. I couldn't make up my mind and I let him hang. I guess he had enough.

We went out last night, but I was never in the mood. I am no longer that bubly girl people used to know, instead I changed to this horrid serious girl who have no sense, no purpose.

Munchkin, we are so much alike in many ways. Your experience matured you in many ways. Thank you for sharing and caring.

I've made up my mind. I am going to see him tonight. Hopefully, it ends well. If it doesn't, I am going to lose this beautiful friendship... and hope of a better future.

Aku Bukan Orang Vietnam

“Hello Miss, Are you Vietnamese or Malaysian?”
That was the first thing the guy next to me said when I boarded the plane. Geez… Is that supposed to be a compliment? Do I have this exotic Vietnam look. Haha.
Ok, Malaysian don’t really know Malaysian that well.

But get this, upon arrival, at the immigration counter to get my passport stamped, the officer started talking confidently in this strange language. And the only thing I can say is, “I’m not Vietnamese. Sorry”, with that cheeky smile. He smile back, obviously embarrassed.

I guess I get that a lot during my 1 and 1/2 day stay. It’s good though, because I can just blend in with the crowd (except for the clearly different fashion statement).

Vietnam is a nice city, and I was already imagining myself working there one day. The things are cheap and the people are all warm and friendly. Motorbikes are everywhere in sight, but it is not too crowded. But, I wouldn’t imagine myself driving there, ever.

I thought about walking by myself in the city, plain sightseeing. But these people in motorbikes keep bugging me to let them show me around. “Miss, 50 thousand Dong for one hour. I can bring you to the museum, the Chinatown, etc2…..” I smile and walk away, up to a point where I felt suffocated and decided to call Shah’s wife. Luckily they were somewhere around the place. She picked me up and we went shopping in Bentan, a famous tourist market. Got myself this silk top, and a bangle for my mom. It was already late, and the driver had to go pick up those who played golf, a 45 minutes away from the city. I end up lepak-king at their apartment, having instant noodles and watching teen hilarious flick, John Tucker Must Die.

Bestnya jalan2. I wish I can go travel the world, and discover the culture of other countries. Wouldn’t life be more interesting then for me.

The next day was the boring meeting, which I tried so much to stay awake. I know I’ll be asked about it later. The whole time I keep telling myself, Be awake Su, wake up! Ding dong!

I wish I could have stayed longer, but I know for a fact that my boss was quite reluctant to let me go in the first place. So, off I go catching that evening flight back, alone. Yeah, occasionally people come to approach me, and speak Vietnamese. I was seated to this old lady in the 80’s who couldn’t speak any English. Very much a disaster, but she was nice. We had sign languages flying around, and I taught her few tricks also. Haha. I guess it was her first time taking flight.

The weird thing is, there were a few of the stewards who started making conversations with me. We started chatting like old pals. This guy, whom clearly was hitting on me, suddenly asked me out. Ok. I never had THAT kind of response from stewards before. Hahaha… I always thought that the stewardess would normally hit on passengers, but never the steward. I thought that they are all gays… opsie... Hahahahhaha…

Anyway, it was a good trip. Wish I can go back, or go someplace else plak.

Can I quit my job now?

Carca Merba Minggu Ini

Dilema cinta minggu ini
He’s a nice guy, a great guy for any girl. But, I don’t know why my heart resisted the intimacy. He’s the kind of guy who’d cross a million mile just for ‘the’ girl which is obviously me.
He wrote this early last week:
“2 err is human, 2 4give is devine, 2 u I hold no sentiment, no remorse no lynine. D course of our frenship is perculiar, I agree. Yet surprisingly tis heart has not changed wat is has decreed, but frenship is wat tee has 2 offer in return, so wil I honor, though tis heart 4 u still yearns”
I’d know he’d make a good boyfriend and husband to be, and I know I am just plain stupid to let him go. But, this heart keeps resisted. Oh God, is he the one?
I am a hopeless romantic, and he is the same. He’s the guy who had flowers delivered the first time I passed my license. Who would come in the early AM when I got into an accident. Who would never forget about me, never.
Maybe because he confesses too early, that he was not much of a challenge. Remember that the only reason I was into N*I was because he was cold and in no way showing any fond affection? Yet, this nice guy who clearly likes me the first time we went out together was for me, just another guy. Shouldn’t you fall for someone who clearly loves you more?
Sigh.

Oh Kawanku
I had a heated argument with one of my closest friend, and it turned ugly. I know I’m right, but he feels the same too. I wish I don’t take work seriously, but sometimes I do. Maybe because I know this is my safe/comfortable zone.
We didn’t talk after a while. For me, it was a long while. And when I called him earlier on, he didn’t say much. Maybe he got tired of me already.
I should have just been the quiet Suhana like I used to be, but now, I babble too much, talking about right and wrong. Stupid me, stupid stupid me.
I won’t apologize, but he sorta did. It wouldn’t be the same anymore, but maybe I think too much. Always like taking things too serious.
I need my best friend. Where are you?

Seorang lagi kawan
Sometimes I feel that I am too nice. And in this case, I am super nice.
I did something major for a friend, and now it is eating me. My friend is nowhere to be found. And I am stuck to solve this problem. I so don’t need this.
Oh God, terangkanlah hati dia untuk ingatkan aku. So much sacrifices.
I need time to think, and cool down.
And maybe tomorrow, I’ll chase over this friend of mine.
Life is complicated. You can’t be too nice to others, or they’ll use you. You’d do things for people, but they will never appreciate it.
What did I do? – something stupid that you’d think would probably ruin me for a while.
Next step? – Maybe I should become a loner. 0 PROBLEMO.

Status update
Going to Vietnam on Sunday. Goodbye miserable week, and HELLO Vietnam!

Post Istimewa: 3 Dalam 1

It is not a good day. Terrible things happened to me, and it has happened quite a lot. And here I was at the start of the year thinking that this year would be a great year (at least that was what the Chinese calendar said).

I had an accident on Monday. The third one I had.

Monday, 5 February 207
Driving from Salwa’s house to PJ to send Furlong home. Eventhough it was a weekday, but gatalnya us to had some makan2 and dvd session at her house, her first informal house warming. It was midnight and I was the one who insisted on driving.
I was switching from middle lane to the rightmost lane on MRR2, driving in the range of 100-120. Saw something on the road, but didn’t had time to avoid (thought it was some plastic or tyre lying there, the usual kind of dump). Bump.. Keep on driving. La la la la la..
Suddenly this guy in Iswara chase after us, and asked us to stop the car. Luckily Furlong was there, else, I won’t even have the guts to stop. He showed his broken side mirror, and wrecked passenger door. Damn, did I cause that?
Apparently, the thing that I ran over flew off to his car (what an impact!), and causes quite an incident.
The only one I can think of at that point was my brother Colin, who then came to the rescue. Colin didn’t think that it was my fault, hence suggesting we seek the police assistance in resolving the matter. Ding dong ding dong, the police was also in the same opinion. ‘There is no one’s fault in this matter’.
But, the guy was so kesian. ‘All up to budi bicara pemandu di hadapan’. Kesian la pulak kan. We asked him to go to the workshop first and get a quotation, and we’ll discuss further.
Isn’t it just bad luck?
Salah siapakah ini?

15 June 2006
My first ever accident, with my brand new Baby-G.
I have been working non-stop for the past two months, sacrificing all those weekend to deliver the first comprehensive PCSB overall benchmarking. You would say that maybe I was tired, caught up with major exhaustion.
Switching lane. One down. Two down. Three down. Fourth coming. Bamm…
What ever happen? Did the girl in front went for the emergency brake, or was I too anxious to switch lanes that I didn’t see it coming? What did happen?
(Flasback à That morning, I wanted to get really early to office. My General Manager will be presenting the benchmarking exercise, and as the key person, I was to be on standby with backups in case there is additional requirement by Tan Sri President. So, biasala. Suhana gelabah)
I end up having to pay the summon issued by the police and levy by the insurance company, all in all which amounts to quite a lot. Sigh.

25 August 2006
I literally just got back from Sudan. Came home at about 11, had a quick dinner in 30 minutes, and drove to IOI as I have to attend the volunteer briefing for the TUNZA Children Conference.
You can say that I was still having my jetlag. Silly Suhana. I shouldn’t have driven there the same day. I should have taken my sweet rest time, and go the next day. But, when you are committed, you just are, right.
I got lost in between looking at the signboard, and calling people up. And when I did locate the right signboard, I simply didn’t ‘locate’ the car on my left. I bang the car, ended up paying 400 bucks to the girl, and forking another 300 to repair my own. What a day.
But, I appreciated Vedder for coming to the rescue. Such a sweet guy, who made me think and think of how cruel I’ve been. The girl on the other car was saying, “Your boyfriend nampak sangat sayang kat you aa…” Muahahahaha…
Anyway, I never told a single soul about my accident (except for the TUNZA volunteers). Wouldn’t want to get people to sympathized me, or criticize my way of driving. I know I suck in that matter.


How in the world do I remember all these dates? Well, it happen on the same day when something major is happening in my life. So, there goes the yin and yang, whichever good and bad has to balance each other out.

So, the conclusion?
1. Should stop driving completely
2. Need a boyfriend to drive me around
3. Get Aima to drive me around everyday. Ala…. Aima nak kahwin dah!

Silly, silly me.

Review: Where are the young Malays

Nik Nazmi Nik Ahmad
October 2006

A few months ago, a human resource manager at an international bank approached me. He wanted my help to find top young Malays for the bank’s fast-track management programme. "Where are the young Malays?" he asked.

One of the major cornerstones of the New Economic Policy (NEP) is the scholarship system. While scholarships existed prior to the NEP, it was only after the NEP in the 1970s that a large-scale government scholarship programme was initiated to send students to the top universities around the world. It had a huge impact not only on the NEP but also on our developmental success as a whole.

These scholars later joined the civil service and government-linked companies (GLCs), and many later left for the private sector as their contract ended and the opportunity beckoned in Malaysia Incorporated. The backbone of the Malay middle class today is largely a product of this system.

This system is still a crucial feature of our public policy. The best Form Five students are identified by their SPM performance, and then selected for preparatory and foundation studies before being sent to the top universities around the world. Upon graduation, they will come back to serve their respective sponsors for about five to 10 years.

But in conversations I had with various people — investment bankers, management consultants, young entrepreneurs, and chief executive officers — there’s a realisation that there needs to be a radical new approach. The current model results in an inefficient use of human resource (predominantly Malay at that), and may not be the most effective way to meet the objective it was originally designed for.

While millions of ringgit of taxpayers’ money have been invested to give the best possible tertiary education to these crème de la crème, many of them end up caged in jobs that do not fully make use of their potential. In business terms, this is a poor return on investment.
At the same time, with the advent of globalisation and liberalisation, job opportunities for young graduates are wider and more competitive these days. But while students who are privately sponsored or scholars who are not bound to their sponsors are able to reap the benefits of this development, sponsored students find themselves at a disadvantage.

That was why a young investment banker lamented that an often overlooked reason for the lack of young Malay graduates in multinationals and private companies is that a large number of them find themselves bound to their respective sponsors. Yes, other reasons are at play, such as the quality of graduates and discrimination, but those have often been discussed.
One might ask: Isn’t their contract of service only for an initial five to 10 years? They can certainly explore other opportunities after the end of their contracts. Two problems arise here: First, they have missed out at the earliest opportunity to do so, and secondly, while they may be free of their contract, they are now in a comfort zone — bound by their financial and personal commitments — and tend to become risk-averse.

But let’s go beyond whining and ranting. For all the limitations of the current set-up, one cannot overlook the fact that the interests of the sponsors — be they the government or GLCs — must be taken into account. It’s unreasonable to expect them to invest so much money every year in human capital, only for them not to reap the returns.

There is a practical way forward, provided we allow ourselves to think outside the box. I have learnt that some sponsors are actually looking into these alternatives as they too realise the problems that I have raised above.

One way is to provide a flexible period for graduates to serve their contract of service. It can still be five to 10 years, but they are allowed to choose to finish their contract terms anytime within, say, 15 to 20 years. Therefore, the graduates have the choice to either serve the sponsors immediately, or to postpone their service while working in a top private firm, either locally or overseas. Even if they choose to start with their sponsors, they should be allowed to take career breaks to gain experience in other private firms or sabbaticals to attend top graduate schools in the course of their employment.

Admittedly, there is a risk that some might land a well-paying job which would allow them or the employer to buy out the contract. This is a real risk, but since part of the purpose of the whole programme was to produce Malay professionals, the government and GLCs should consider this as part of their contribution to the national interest, especially since their financial outlay is being reimbursed.

Furthermore, many GLCs have diverse subsidiaries and associated companies, and they should allow their scholars to gain different experiences and perspectives through these different companies. This will expose these graduates to the best practices locally and internationally in order for them to develop professionally and contribute to their respective sponsors.
Another way is to provide a fast-track system in the public sector and GLCs for their scholars. This will be an important motivational factor for the scholars, while at the same time allowing the sponsors to leverage on their investment. Combined with the first suggestion, the GLCs will also be able to benefit from the experience, perspective and skills gained by the scholars in various top-class firms and organisations.

This will solve two burning issues that plague the current set-up — a dearth of top young Malay graduates in the private sector, as well as the low return on investment for the government and GLCs on the scholarship programme.

Then, when someone asks where the young Malays are, we can confidently say they are working in the top multinational and private firms around the world, as well in the public sector and GLCs with a competitive and forward-looking career path. And definitely, not becoming Mat Rempits! Isn’t that the true spirit of the NEP?

What Suhana says:
Well said...
But, can we ask more when we are the beggars?
Expectation...
Can we really blame them for seeking compensation? Reaping the benefit? Isn't that what business is all about?
Where DID happen to the OTHER young Malays?

Bersukan bersama teman

I played this prank of a friend just now, and it worked. Haha, haven't had this pleasure for quite a while.

So, basically, here I am, in the office, working. Feeling quite restless, so was taking my own good rest, and decided to call this friend of mine. And yee haa, it totally work! Muahahahha...

So, anyway, last week, had this opportunity to follow this friend of mine to Bukit Tinggi for street-luge. He had this interview with reporters from Bukit Tinggi, and I was there as his PA cum towel girl cum water girl. Very multi-purpose indeed.

STOP

What in the world is street luge?

Street luge is an extreme gravity-powered activity that involves riding a streetluge board (sometimes referred to as a sled) down a paved road or course. Street luge is also known as land luge or road luge. Like skateboarding, street luge is often done for sport and for recreation.
Street luge was born in Southern California as downhill skateboarders found they could reach faster speeds by lying down on their skateboards. This early form of the sport is now referred to as "classic style" or "butt boarding".

So, let's begin the journey.Gambar yang buruk. From left, Abdil, Muiz, Suhana.

At the start point. Here I am in the middle of nowhere. It was raining at first, but it turns out quite all right at the end. Lady luck on their side of course :-p

Mechanics....Now I know who to call the next time I need to change tyres. Muahaha (evil laugh)

Now you can see how high up we were. But the view was superb. Quite an interesting place to come every now and then.

Abdil and the reporter, trying out the walkie-talkie. Ceh ceh ceh.. Macam pro aje. Well, he kinda is. Opsie. You are, aren't you.

On Action... Furlong showing off, trying to impress... Kuih kuih kuih. Was I impressed? Not the slightest. *wink

Akhirnya. Photo time with the famous star, a proof that I've been there, seen that.

So, the article came out yesterday on Berita Harian, front cover. Cis, bangga sangat la tu. Well, of course I am 'kind of proud' of you.
NEXT

Ok, so I am a bit adventurous! What other sport to try out next? Yesterday, I was in Putrajaya for inline skating! Yeah yeah.. I've done something like that 10 years ago, and I am still sucks at it. But, it was such a great experience.

Fully geared up to go. Of course, perasan comel.

Try-out session. Scary at first. Look at how freak out I was.

Yee haa... Like this kid who just learned how to stand! Suhana on her two blades. Isn't that amazing what a 10 minute-lesson can do. You guys should try this out.

THE First walk...

THE first fall

She-He. Taking time off from the tiring skating. Or was me the only one feeling exhausted? All those balancing were tiring la wei.

She-skate and He-skate. Which is which? Look closely la wei.

Group photo.... Where am I? Hmm... Look closely. I am on the other side of the camera la wei. Muahahahaha....

I won't spoil this entry by throwing in thoughts that I had while I was in Putrajaya. Just some silly thought.

Oh Jolly. Too many pix posted, too many memories left.

Gotta go back to work. Need this finish up on some work... FAST!

Muah.