Till Death do us Part

A friend of mine had just lost her grandmother, barely 2 months after her grandfather died. Another good friend of mine had to go through the same difficulties last year, and it was very painful as she watched her grandfather, who misses the wife dearly, to lose the reason to live and died peacefully several weeks later.

I guess that’s how powerful true love is. For an 80 year old to still be in love, hold each other hand, and misses the other dearly that they have lost all reasons to continue living, is truly amazing.

I wonder how I would be 50 years from now. I constantly miss him now. But the future is not for us to say right.

Selamat Datang ke Company-ku

I was looking at my entry and noticed that the last time i wrote on this blog was in April of this year, right before i left for the Kuching Toastmaster Annual convention.

Ok let me get my names cleared. I so did not entirely dissappear from the face of the blog-world. If you just google out my name, you'd notice that i've been busy with another blog i've set up which pretty much reflect where much of my time was - with Toastmaster! I've been busy uploading entries from DDYPC TMC to my very own toastmistrez.blogspot.com.

And i can't blame it entirely on toastmaster, cause then i have my speed dating (justsingles.blogspot.com) and some other secret society blog (which only us girls have the privy to bitch about guys we were/am with) and of course, i was busy with Mr. Somebody who apparently will step his first foot in KLCC working as an exec with MY COMPANY.

Probably will be a terrifying experience when your boyfriend works in the same company, and have probably set up some ploy to check out your every move. Erkk.. No sayang, i did not mean that.

But yeah, am happy that you will be joining us brains working diligently for the Nation. Go 1Malaysia, in whatever logical sense that will make.

Welcome welcome.

Saham Dah Jatuh, But Tak Kisah. I Am In Love

It’s been a while, so I need to be completely honest with all of you.

I don’t know why suddenly people start to be checking me out, or been honestly telling me that they had a crush on me before, or knew of another person who has been having a crush on me. Gosh, I cannot comprehend this reality, not when I am taken… now. Haha…

As you can see, I am in love and it only has been a month.

When he asked me, “Can I bercinta with you”, I felt uneasy at first. The fact that I had to release my Single status when I am comfortable going out ‘checking’ other available ‘chap’ was indeed a pull not to. I have been single for 4 years now, and I need to make sure that I am falling for THE right person.

But you know your way, sayang. I had the bouquet of flowers on my left hand, and the box of chocolate on the other. I was trapped. I couldn’t say no and rush off the car. Haha.. Kidding.

I felt so much love, and like I said to you, “I felt so disayangi”. Thanks sayang for coming into my life.

It has only been a month.
But sayang,
I love you more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow.

Truly Yours
SS

Aku Terima Nikahnya .. Dia

Sedutan dari speech toastmaster ku… Haha…

“I do”
“Till Death Do Us Part”
“Aku Terima Nikahnya”
Marriage is wonderful. Being married means that you have to fall in love over and over again, but ALWAYS with the same person. However, people would always have the common question of: How would you know whether the person I am married to is the right one?

I for once, is not married and this is the type of question that I would be asking those who have. How would you know that you have falled for that RIGHT one?

Love does not just happen to you. Trust me, you can never just suddenly stumble upon those lasting love because it does not truly exist. And talking from a person who has been single for 4 years, there is NO such thing as Love at First Sight that will last! The secret however, is very simple. THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling. Don’t rush in just because you want to jump in the bandwagon and regrettably end up getting a divorce. I was in Mahkamah Syariah last week, and trust me, it was no fun seeing those who have before solemnly swear to spend the rest of their life together then decided to stand before a judge and tell tales of each other’s unpleasant behavior to the judge. And at the point that the husband decide to recite the talaq, your whole love life suddenly flashes right in front of your eyes. Then you’d be telling yourself that you probably did not find THAT right person. Is that right? So, what happen to love at first sight, or that guy is THE right one (probably at that point in time)

Remember this always (I quote) "God determines who walks into your life ,It is up to you to decide who you walk away, who you allow to stay, and who you refuse to let go. May we find happiness in our love life, and those we cherish the most.

Waiting to Exhale

It was supposed to start off as a pretty great day, not till I was reading the Sun today with its big header: Sign of Love.

Different people do different things to express their love. And this guy did it by putting up a giant billboard asking the girl to marry him. Cute. It only cost him RM40 K.

I spent my Valentine in the comfort of 3 other adorable friends. So, we were celebrating the Single Awareness Day, but they made it so much fun to be and feel single. Lefty was absolutely hilarious.

I had a chat about my personal enigma with Big Boss yesterday. I told him how everyone around me is getting hooked up, and I am still having a great deal of headache over finding the right one. They all give you the same advice and you couldn’t help but feel more let down.

I remember cheeky giving me some interesting quotes before, from the book ‘Waiting to Exhale’ that she was reading. Here it goes…

“Am I not a good catch or what?”
“We’re all good catches,” Bernadine said.
“Why are we all such good catches?” Savannah asked, leaning forward on her elbows and motioning for the other bottle of champagne.
“Because we’ve got good hearts and we’re good lays and we’re nice people. Isn’t that enough?” Bernadine said.
“Well, since you knew so damn much, why are we having such a hard-ass time meeting Mr. Wonderful?” Robin asked. Nobody had the answer to that one.

Yes, does anyone have the answer to that? People keep saying the same thing over and over again, and it is indeed non-reassuring. I wouldn’t say that I had lots of heartbreaks, but I did had a lot of almost… Period.

Few more interesting quotes:
“I know I’m not going to hear from him. And I hate the thought that I made a fool of myself. That I spilled my guts. Made my most intimate feelings known. How could somebody who acted so sincere be so insincere? How could he play with my feelings like this? I would never do this kind of shit to anybody. Never.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 368.

“It was my fault. I was the one who made the decision to open up my little heart. I was the one who said, ‘Here, go ahead and have some. Here, go ahead and take it.’ I’ve accepted responsibility for what for what I allowed to happen to me. I gambled. And I lost. But it wasn’t the end of the world.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 377.

Gosh.. It totally reflected what I’ve been feeling recently. Then this one:

“The ones that are good for us, we find dull and boring, and then we pick the assholes, the ones who won’t cooperate, the ones who offer us the most challenge and get our blood flowing and shit. Those are the motherfu*kers we fall in love with.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 324.

It got to me totally. And at the end, this is what HE said:
Quote from Grey’s Anatomy:
“Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life.” – Dr Meredith Grey

Yes, life was indeed wrecked.

Luahan Wanita Ini

Women are easily hurt, so is that the reason why we get hurt many times? Is it an obvious fact that women can be taken aback over small matters? Is that the very reason why men just do not bother as much?

As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes it makes perfect 0-0 sense. That’s why sometimes men seem oblivious to the changes in women’s temperament. It’s an everyday scenario that if they tend to credit it, it would be an eventual disaster to them in the future.

And that is the very reason why women easily forgive. We are actually forgiving our own flaws.

Is that an acceptable justice to all women?

I had this thought going through my head while driving back (slowly driving back, as I am driving using a spare tire which is only competent enough to allow maximum speed of 80 km/h. Second time tayar pancit.. da…)

I am giving someone a chance, over and over again. My friend told me to get over it, as this person has yet to show his sincere level. But again, how would another girl know better. Maybe this person is just different?

I remembered how I was in the past, when I would let myself get hurt over and over again because I hate the idea of separation. For me, for whatever happens, you can always work things out. You work things out… and sometimes the things you fight about are silly things that would today make you feel immature. That’s why sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change everything.

Some people wouldn’t, I know. It’s because they are happy with their life, and the people all around them. I think I would say the same, one day, when I am truly happy. Then, I would tell other people, that I would never trade my life’s experience with anything.. ever. What I am experiencing now are just the ups and DOWNs that other normal people would.

Well, who am I to complain?

I decided I would no longer make an attempt to correct things, and to pursue something badly. Just gonna let nature takes it course. So far, it has done me well.

So, forgive or not to forgive? Miss Indelicate... You’ve been in this shoe so many times. You’ve forgiven him ALL the time. How different would it be for me to give this person a second, third or even a million zillion chance? Stop. Don’t complicate matters. Cause he’s a stranger, that’s why. I don’t even know him well enough. Da!

Then again, Mr D question this guy’s intention. Maybe, he’s not completely honest with you. If you like someone, you’d try to make it up to them one way or another. Has he done that?
Hearing this from another guy startle me. Even Mr D is not entirely convinced about this guy.

Luck is running out on this guy.

Heck, am I thinking too much? Again, woman and her many silly thoughts… realizing that I am that silly woman.

Bukan Salah Mereka?

After the posting yesterday, I had an interesting text from someone I knew a while ago. Little that I knew that this guy is married. Haha, an interesting good looking character from Indonesia. I should have known. 30-something year old guy, handsome, and reserved… That’s a typical married man.

The last time we met was sometime late last year, after I bravely interviewed him on his personal life. Then, I was made to know that he is married with 2 children, and the latest addition to his family is only 1 month old then. And interestingly, it was the last time we’ve ever spoken to each other until the text came yesterday. I guess he was embarassed then.

I woke up early this morning. Went down, had breakfast with my parent, listen to some guy talking about Budget 2008 (whom my parent later explained is our Finance Minister), and then switched on the tv to watch 3rd Generation, a Malaysian production that revolves around Mr Chan’s 3rd Generation family.

The morale of the movie was pretty obvious (and it was a great effort from the Malaysian film industry), but I was more intrigue by the relationship that Charlie Chan had. He is already married to a beautiful woman who is very loyal to him (played by the gorgeous Amber Chia), but also has a mistress who would support him even during tough times (played by the lovely Carmen Soo). Two fantastic characters are victim of the situation. They are in love with the same character, yet it is indeed not their fault that their pure hearts are madly in love with the same guy.

I just finished a book written by Sheila O’ Flanagan, “Yours Faithfully”. It’s about Sally Harper, a matured sofiscated woman who is very much in love with his husband of twenty years, and Iona Brannock, who married a handsome man he met on the beach for just a few months. Typical love story? Yeah, you could say that, except for the fact that they are married to the same man! Their life story collided, and these fantastic woman have to accept the fact that they are betrayed by the man they love. If only Christian can marry as Muslim does. Haha. But, would you mind sharing?

So, I look at all these women who are sharing husband… They are all fantastic in their own ways, and that’s why the husband chooses them. Maybe the first woman for comfort and provider, and the next one for purely good sex. You’d never know. But all in all, these women complete him.

So elaborative, yet I don’t know what’s the morale of this post.
Maybe…
It’s not their fault???

Temanku Suami Orang

So, what do you think of married men?

I have been having this secret crush with one of the bosses here in my company. He's handsome, intelligent yet very young. What more can you ask for.

It made you wonder what he's like when he was young. If you knew him then, would you have done something about it?

So, what is it about married men that turn people on?

Good friend of mine, AS was involved with a married man once. She was on verge of breakdown, and had loose all interest to live. Then came this guy into the picture. This is guy is the type who would slide notes under your papers, who would text you those romantic words, the one who wouldn't turn up to the office as he couldn't bear not having the sight of you at the workstation. Married man easily turns you on, as they know how best to treat you.

Another good friend YK IS having a relationship with a married man. The feeling is mutual. Maybe because she's very successful now and her fiancée stupidly broke off the engagement, that she hasn’t found any interesting single guys. Why bother having another painful break up when you do have a guy who knows how to treat you right, and make you FEEL right?

So, the situation has not been very promising for these people. Would I succumb to the same path, God forbid!

While I would have crush here and there, I couldn’t imagine myself sharing the same guy, ever! But what would happen if I do? It’s complicated & hard, being in the position that I am now.

But A is still an option to explore, and B would be one of the top priority :p

Aku Suka Dia.. Dia Suka Aku.. Entahlah?

Have you notice that we’d do stupid things around the people we like? Unless you want to totally disregard that person…

I must tell you that I think I like this special someone, whom I frequently do stupid things just to check whether he is into me or not. Yeah, stupid I know. I would send/reply his smses with a certain flirtatious question, just to check whether he will flirt back. Lately, he has not been responding well.

How do I do this when I used to be so good in words?

I want to share with you something interesting. I am currently E’s advisor in her relationship, while she’s in mine. If we are so much alike, and we are currently advising each other, why can’t we solve our own personal love dilemma? Maybe, the other person could always see the bigger picture, and could perhaps steer the direction better.

E has made to a certain point in getting the guy, but I am still in the losers pool. Perhaps I am a much better councilor than I am an activitist. I fail to execute, but as a planner, am very best at what I do for a living.. plan other people’s life.

When I met this guy a few months back, I felt the sudden attraction. I never had the chance to know him personally until a few weeks back. We got close, and closer. I have always wanted to get to know him.. and then I spoil it.

I spoil every single relationship that I had for reasons that I am not even sure of. I was about to go steady with this guy I know, but suddenly… it was not meant to be. Don’t ask me how and why, ask him.

Yesterday after Isyak, I prayed to God. I prayed that I have met the One in this guy, and I prayed that this guy would respond. I know he is somewhat attracted to me, but he doesn’t really like me yet. But somehow, I can see myself with him.

I used to telling people that I want to get married on the 20.10.2010, but I am not so sure of its feasibility.. it seems most unlikely at time. I hate playing games anymore. I just want a stable relationship. I definitely do not feel like settling down now, but I wanted so much for this guy to say it.. say that he likes me to.

Semasa dan Selepas KUANTAN

Me and few good friends of mine had the normal the normal ‘warong kopi borak’ earlier this evening (after the 3 hours long drive of ours from Kuantan). We talked about the kind of guys that we are dating, those that bore us, and the criteria that we have for our dream partner.

So here it goes…

CRITERIA PERSON 1
Alim
Non-drinker
Tall
Tak poyo
Chinese Look
Men in Uniform
6 pack
Into sports
Responsible
Smart dresser
Ambitious
Understanding, but jealous sket
Thoughtful
Bad boy look
Suka nyanyi

CRITERIA PERSON 2
Tall
Broad shoulder/sedap peluk
Intellectual
Plays tennis
Not working in the same company
Alim sikit2 la
Non-drinker
Compatibility
Can easily to adapt other people
Love making surprises
Older (at least 2/3 years)
Fair
A good cook
Can sing and play the guitar
Suka Jalan2
Romantic
Stronger emotionally

CRITERIA PERSON 3
Intellectual
Caring
Alim
Independent
Non-drinker
Non-smoker
Committed
Good kisser
Responsible
Matured
Understanding
Bad boy look
Romantic

CRITERIA PERSON 4
Cute
Pandai
Muda
Engineer
Rambut lurus/panjang
Mata menggoda macam ***
Hot
Understanding
Pandai Urut
Fully develop
Hard to satisfy
Good cook
Pandai nyanyi
Love s*x
Hard to control, but uncontrollable
Suka makan pisang

CRITERIA PERSON 5
Tinggi
Adventurous
Pandai
Cute
Tua sikit
Experienced
IT background
Rambut panjang
Muka tu penting
Understanding
Pandai urut
Love s*x

So yeah, you can figure out by now that there are at least 5 people in the borak-borak, and consists of both guys and girls. Which one is my criteria? Haha… I might not even be in the list pun.

We have all these criterias, but surprisingly, some of these friends of mine hook up with totally the opposite. So yeah, don’t worry too much. We are not looking for an ideal partner. Haha.

Finding a partner is a tough one, but raising a kid I think would be equally challenging (equally.. think again). I was at the Muzium Tokoh earlier in Kuantan as we wanted to waste our time off before heading back to Kuala Lumpur.

It was very interesting to read and see historian such as Tok Gajah, Mat Kilau, Dato’ Bahaman who has fought off British from Pahang, these strong characters who have now earn the respect and recognition from the society. The new era sees Sudirman earning the same respect as the man who has brought much needed soul to the music industry, and he hails from Temerloh, Pahang.

I have high respect towards them, and the same goes by the other 20 something million people in Malaysia. At some point, you would start thinking whether what you do now would ever live to earn the same courtesy of respect?

Anyway, in the future, how would I later as a parent teach my children to acknowledge this achievement, and teach them to respect others? We read it in the book, and it was even briefly put on our history syllabus. But, have we ever appreciated it?

I wish my parent have taken me to a lot of different museums when I was younger. I would have definitely appreciated history to this kind of exposure.

Museum Negara is under the much needed refurbishment. Interestingly, my best friend Salwa is the engineer in charge of the construction and Interior Design. Had the first preview of what they are currently doing, and my my…. What a great surprise. Was proud of you dear! I think this is what is needed to excite people about going to the Museum.

SO…..

Moral of the story: Bawalah anak pergi ke museum! Nanti Sejarah dapat A1.
Translate: Bring your kids to the museum! They will sure get A1 for History.
Silly.. Merapu.. I know. Hahahahhaha

Kecamuk Minda Muncul Kembali

I missed calling someone 'sayang'... And i missed being called 'sayang'... I missed being pampered a lot.

Why the sudden emotion?

On Monday, I finally had the 'talk' with Vedder, and I pissed him badly. He ended leaving me at the restaurant. Maybe what I said somewhat triggered his hate towards me. But how can you ever leave a girl in the restaurant, feeling clueless.

Bad enough that you forgot about my birthday, but then you are angry and irritated at me for not remembering or maybe not knowing. Me, being honest, told you everything. It is very stupid being honest, and i am a stupid fool. And then, you paid the check and left. Such a drama king.

If Vedder, the guy i have all this while labelled as a gentleman can do this to me, what about the rest of male population? I feel very low at this point. That explains why i am still in the office at 10 freaking pm wondering about what I'm gonna do with my freaking life.

Then on Tuesday, maybe from the spin-off fight, I got sick. Down with fever and flu, and had to spend my whole day on bed. Well, look at the bright sight. At least it was a good rest.

On Wednesday, which is today, at 10 freaking pm, looking at the monitor thinking about what work TO DO NEXT and upon learning that my collegue Kak I is freaking 40 and not yet married, it scared the living out of me. Will that be me in 15 more years? God Forbid. Don't be too choosy Suhana.

I better stop before I have another breakdown.

Kisah Cinta Semalam & Hari Ini

SEMALAM
I drove past you at the highway just now, and I think you noticed. That is me with the speed, unlike the rest of my life.
Then, I began to slow down, actually taking notice of the surrounding traffic. You said, why are in such a rush, when we can just cruise. That somewhat triggers me, and I think, you were right in some way.

Forgive me for being a lil’ irritated when you said that it’s hard for you to tell me that you like me, instead you choose to say that you would like to get to know me better. So, does that mean that you SOMEWHAT like me, (and hence me), and that we should still keep our options open until you finally realizes that you DO like me? That’s why I said, I might settle down this year. No, oh no, I am not talking about the sweet’o’marriage. It’s just that, I might choose the right one this year. So, I do not want you to realize at the last minute that you do like me, but I might somehow have like another you.

Forgive me now, for not telling you that my friends are hooking me up with another guy. A great guy whom I have met once. But, the options are still open, right.

Yes, I did like you. But, that was way back when I had that little crush. But, I was disappointed later upon knowing that the whole world seems to know about it. Then again, indirectly, I was the one who spill the bean. Forgive me for not confronting you earlier. But then again, it will not have come to this. We will not be sitting at the porch having this deep conversation, when your parents are upstairs, maybe eavesdropping.

Then, you dropped me off in front of my sister’s house. I was quite hesitant to get out of the car. I told you that I might tell my good girl friend, and you would be telling the same to your good guy friend. Hahaha… You’d always need the opinion of your good friends huh.

But as I am sitting here (Burger King… alone… waiting), I finally realizes. Why do we need to rush, when there is so much more that we need to discover about each other.
Looking forward for tomorrow, a new day. Hope that this will be the start of a beautiful friendship, if not relationship!


HARI INI
Got back home, feeling kinda tired. End up taking a 30-minutes power nap, and went downstairs to have dinner.

These past few days were something. Felt restless at the end of the so-called post-Valentine marathon, and now having my quiet moment (with Franz Ferdinand playing loudly on the stereo) to re-think. So, what am I doing, and have I done the right thing?

Time flew very fast, and time is indeed something that I felt like missing lately.
So, two of my good friends, Aima and Mail are about ready to settle down. Fiza got married. Sis just gotten a baby. How world evolves.

I guess I wasn’t scared when I said yes to getting to know each other more, but as I got back to sweet little haven of mine, it made me wonder whether I made the right choice. Lust or love, a question that came through mind. Maybe, give it more time. But, I do not want to start something new now, when there is a lot more in life to explore.

I know I always like to contradict myself. Sometimes I can’t reassure myself what I wanted in life. Sometimes I don’t give a damn, and just carry on with whatever. In this case, what the hell was I thinking?

I always thought that love is the kind of thing that happen at that instantaneous moment. We should never work towards it. That particular instant matters. That first look, that first smile, that FIRST MOMENT. You know when you JUST KNOW.

So, when two people are trying to get to know each other better, are they discreetly trying to force themselves to like the other person better? Well, it always have to start somewhere. So, when is that FIRST MOMENT? Does all moments a contributing moment? This is no longer the fantasy I had in mind. But then again, I had that moment when I first saw him. So, when was his first moment to me? I thought first moment happens when both party connect, and instantaneously felt the same way.

Anyway, a post I wanted to put up a long time ago, but I keep forgetting. This is what I called FIRST MOMENT:

(DAHULU)
Life is amazing. All the things that happen around you, happen for a reason. Even if you succumb to disappointment, have faith that good things will arose after. That is what I often forget to do.. having faith.

How I wish my life is a little bit more interesting.

,,.You are walking down the street with that confident look. Hair blown by the wind, going left to right, having that glow on your face. You and him exchanged look, and instantaneously his thought went softly saying, I wish that girl is mine.
,,, Your first date. The one that he felt nervous about asking, that he had to rehearse over and over again to get it right. Even if he did everything accordingly, he wasn’t sure that you’d even say yes. But he didn’t know that it was what you’ve been waiting for. The first date was so perfect. The duo on violin to compliment the good food. And then he ask you to dance. Later that night when he drop you to your house, the first kiss on the cheek. Isn’t that perfect.
… There was this major conference. You spotted him from afar, and so did he. He watched you from the moment you went into the room to the second you took your seat. Both of you exchange that flirting smile. You then totally ignore him during tea, and lunch. He tried to steal some of your time, but you played the smart game of hard to get. He watched with jealousy as you were swamped with other guys. Then later as you make your way to the toilet, he kidnap you to his car and brought you to of all places… McDonald. ‘All those hide and seek exhaust me. Can I have you all by myself tonight?” You giggled. For hours you two were talking and flirting and laughing and smiling. Luckily it’s a 24 hours store. You two ended up having breakfast the next morning.

Don’t you wish that the girl is you? The First moment that matters a lot.

I bable too much, yeah I do. I think too much, yeah I do.
Come on, Suhana. Just go with the flow.
In this process of getting to know each other, we are given the opportunity to explore other prospects as well, right? Right until he said that magical word, then you know whether you’d get those funny feelings, full of anticipation. Then, you would know whether you are meant to be.

Anyway, remember the song I told you about earlier today. A song dedicated to you, Mr. someone for the beautiful weekend we had together.
Like I said, Hope that this will be the start of a beautiful friendship, if not relationship!

Too revealing? Me being true to myself
flowers for you……… ------@ muah.......