I fumble badly today at a toastmaster meeting, and I felt incompetent. I ain’t too proud of the recognition of being the first Competent Communicator of my club, and felt strongly about stripping off my title there and then.
You can’t escape the fact that it was one of the hardest topic that you’ve heard (say me and the rest of the guests), hence people were reluctant to volunteer themselves. As I was falsely volunteered, I thought that I might have just given it a shot. Hey, how bad can it be? But then my mind went blank and I stare emptily at the crowd. My mouth was open, I was talking yet it did not make any perfect sense. Then I went blank again. Oh screw this, I could not take this crap I was making.
And all this happens when I was just about to minimize my toastmaster involvement, when I was just about to reduce my meetings participation, and focuses more on work. There and then I realize the fact that I needed more practice. In front of those very experienced speakers, I have made a name for myself. The girl who walked away from 2 table topic themes when she is in fact, a Competent Communicator (oh, just scrap that).
I am not too proud of myself. And I realize how I’ve always been putting off things, such as the fact that I don’t blog more nowadays. I was focusing more on other things that I felt matters, and shifting my focus on other things that have started to reach a decent comfortability level.
Balance it up girl! Don’t believe that you are good at one thing after reaching a certain comfort zone, and started losing grip on it. Keep striving for more excellence by comparing yourself with others, and your vision will be a moving target where you always aim to be better.
There it goes. A disappointment which resulted in a positive determination to be better. Let’s do it babeh…
Ps: I guess the fact that I don’t write much nowadays proves the point where my writing skills have suddenly deteriorates. Oh well…
Showing posts with label sangat kecewa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sangat kecewa. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Toastmaster - Hidup Mesti Terima Kegagalan
Sometimes in life you just have to learn to accept the fact that life does not always treat you fair, and learn to handle resentment as ethical as you can. Sometimes you must not take things too personal and accept what fate has chosen for you.
I was furious at the fact that I lost, cause I thought I had it pretty much bagged and ready to go. Luckily I didn't show the sign of pure bliss of confidence, else, I would have stormed out of the room deniably claiming my ‘lost’.
Ok, so there I was rewinding the moment, rethinking about . What did i do wrong? How could I have been ONLY second best?
Everyone congratulated me on a speech well done, and some said that I should have won. I gave a fake smile and gave the humble answer where I don’t think I was not good enough to begin with. Secretly I knew I was not making sense. If only you were there, you could see that I have moved leaped from my early un-confident speech. I have transformed myself. It was shaky at the beginning, but I went off marvelously once I have gained my confidence.
I spent that night on the bed, playing my speech on my head over and over again and comparing mine to the guy who won. I keep thinking about why life has been unfair to me, that the contest was not just about who’s the best. Somehow he appeals more, I guess. It’s not about who has the best English or the best content, it’s maybe about who warms up more to you even before the contest begin? Who has a more catchy opening? It’s all starting to make some sense.
This is what happened during the recent Area Humor & Evaluation Contest for toastmasters, and yes, I won 2nd place. I need regain my momentum and fight back to win the Divisional level. I just need to be better for myself, and everyone else.
Don’t worry. I’m just being a tad dramatic here, one like period, which I do have every now and then. Wish me luck for the next one.
I was furious at the fact that I lost, cause I thought I had it pretty much bagged and ready to go. Luckily I didn't show the sign of pure bliss of confidence, else, I would have stormed out of the room deniably claiming my ‘lost’.
Ok, so there I was rewinding the moment, rethinking about . What did i do wrong? How could I have been ONLY second best?
Everyone congratulated me on a speech well done, and some said that I should have won. I gave a fake smile and gave the humble answer where I don’t think I was not good enough to begin with. Secretly I knew I was not making sense. If only you were there, you could see that I have moved leaped from my early un-confident speech. I have transformed myself. It was shaky at the beginning, but I went off marvelously once I have gained my confidence.
I spent that night on the bed, playing my speech on my head over and over again and comparing mine to the guy who won. I keep thinking about why life has been unfair to me, that the contest was not just about who’s the best. Somehow he appeals more, I guess. It’s not about who has the best English or the best content, it’s maybe about who warms up more to you even before the contest begin? Who has a more catchy opening? It’s all starting to make some sense.
This is what happened during the recent Area Humor & Evaluation Contest for toastmasters, and yes, I won 2nd place. I need regain my momentum and fight back to win the Divisional level. I just need to be better for myself, and everyone else.
Don’t worry. I’m just being a tad dramatic here, one like period, which I do have every now and then. Wish me luck for the next one.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Sign - Hijau Atau Merah?
Dear company collegue,
Anonymously written.
Anonymously written.
For your info, we have already stated our case to the management last Thursday. We have engaged the management enquiring them into getting clarifications for the new salary increment. Believe me, it did catch their attention. And on Friday, a group of staff have collectively stated their case to the advocates, hence HR. The two main issue that was brought up are the concern as the salary difference are not equitable throughout the years of difference, and that the salary gap between those with years of experience almost matches the salary of new entrant.
So far, the Carigali HR seems concerned and has been very helpful, and they are trying to seek further clarification from the Task Force. At the end, the group has demanded two things: HR to share the formulation of how the new salary is calculated and the justification on the differences for the salary adjustment. But then, there’s nothing else that can be done at this point in time.
If you choose to run petition, you can expect that it will trigger just the wrong side of the management. And look at this:
STAFF WILL REJECT
- New entrants are still getting the new salary increment regardless. So you can see yourself earning much lower than the new entrants.
- New allowance package will not kick in (your meal, travel, new salary progression, etc)
STAFF WILL ACCEPT
- We have stressed to them that loyalty will remain a concern
In the end, you see that you are in the losing end with only ONE option to choose from.
Don’t just give in to resentment! Perhaps you are angry that you are not getting what you deserve and started to compare against others. But the HR answer was that you are not supposed to make comparison. What you earn is Private & Confidential and you are not allowed to share it with others. In other words – it’s better than nothing, right?
So listen, I know that in the angry mode you’d be telling yourself that the company does not value your years of experience. The thing is, if you are an E1 in the market (a junior engineer in this case), the market does not treasure your experience and hence what they have applied here. So you would see that you are not getting much higher than the new entrants. Yes, the task force must have consisted of some older G that are probably envious to the current state in which we lack of E2, and E1 are mostly the doer nowadays. They don’t value our experience because during their times, you do not seek independence within 2 years of working experience. Well, they should wake up obviously. I doubt that there was any Technical personnel view accounted for when they came up with the salary revision.
But anyway, that’s an old issue. Let’s look ahead and work with what we have. Yes, pride should be accounted for. The company should reward us for our hard work, and differentiate performers with non-performers. But with debts of more than RM300 K, I am in no position to argue. Perhaps I should just reap the company of its knowledge and trainings, and ensure that I use this opportunity to enrich myself. Some might not be here long, but for some others, you’d realize that the package will reward you long term. They are making it up in other ways, ie. Salary progression increment which has doubled, new allowance package and revision to your current EPF. I had my first tantrum with the company on Thursday, but I soon settled off. Some say that I went back against what I believe so much, and decided to accept. But my answer is I do not want to be on the losing end.
Yes, I will accept. But at the same time, I’ll try harder into making the management listens. If I succumb to rejecting the offer, I might just not get anything. And dear friends, 16th September political uncertainty is something to ponder.
Anonymous?
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Aku DAN Minyak
This is what i talked about during my 3rd Toastmaster Speech in MCOBA building on Tuesday. Something very close to my heart.
---
To celebrate our anniversary, I asked my boyfriend to take me out to some place expensive. We drove around, and he made a quick stop in SHELL (mind me) and turn to me and said. “Sayang, this is the most expensive place I know”.
(Bam..) Well, of course he was just kidding around but this onviously is the impact of RM 1.92 vs RM 2.70
Oil price has made a shocking increase from the usual USD 30 to a startling USD 130 within this last 5 years. In it’s heavily consequence of subsidizing the masses, the government made a bold decision last month to increase the petrol from RM 1.92 to RM 2.70. Some says that the reaction by the government shows apathy to the suffering of its people.
Let me try to educate you how the RM 2.70 came about?
Fuel price in Malaysia is controlled by the government using a formula under the automatic pricing mechanism introduced in 1974.
The calculation is made based on the actual cost of petrol or diesel, the operating costs, margin for dealers, margin for retail oil companies and the balancing number of duty or subsidy.
This is how it is calculated:
Product Cost : RM2.7637
Marketing Cost : RM0.0692 (fixed)
Distribution Cost : RM0.0262 (fixed)
Dealers' Commission : RM0.0950 (fixed)
Companies' profit : RM0.05 (fixed)
Duty or subsidy : (RM0.30)
Total Pump Price = RM2.7041
So you see, no retail oil company or dealer makes money from the hike of fuel prices. Oil companies pay for the product at market prices, but have to sell low, so the government reimburses the difference, hence subsidy. So, let me try to spell this out clearly to you, we (PETRONAS) have NOTHING to do with the fuel hike.
In fact, we do not even earn as high in the increasing oil price scenario. Exxon Mobil who preached about being the top of the Big Four Company in world earns USD 40 Bil in 2007, just USD 1 Bil higher than the year before due to the increase in price in producing 1 barrel of oil, as any other Oil & Gas majors in the world including PETRONAS.
Friends, We realize the fact that as PETRONAS was set up in 1974 with the seed capital of RM 10 Million by the government, we are obliged to generate income and value back to its shareholder, which is the government. Hence, after 34 years of hard earned work by the people who are loyal to serving the nation, we can boast on our 2007 Year End Financial Statement of RM 570 Billion in accumulated profit in which last year, we proudly sit on No 121 in terms of revenue of the Fortune 500.
Some critics have the misconception that we had it easy just because we are an Oil & Gas company, but do you know that not all National Oil Company (NOC) stand as tall as us? There come about a perverse fact that PETRONAS Carigali, the arms of the Exploration & Production for PETRONAS is duly given the right to explore and produce the blocks in Malaysia just because we are a linked to a government entity. This statement is very misleading as much as it is not true.
As an operator in this country, PETRONAS Carigali has the same rightful ownership to the entire Oil & Gas field in Malaysia as other operators such as Shell, Newfield or even ConocoPhillips in its quest to bid for the national interest. In fact, most blocks offshore Sabah & Sarawak are operated by the other operators like the famous deepwater Kikeh by Murphy Oil or even the Shell’s MLNG. However, I do have to admit that having an Oil & Gas reserve on our very own backyard does have its perks on gaining the capability advantage.
PETRONAS is perhaps a National Oil Entity, for now. 20 years down the road, it might transform itself into an International Oil Company, where in the depleting Oil & Gas scenario in Malaysia at present, we will see the company aggressively venturing out to the International arena. Then it would be a question of whether the 65% of profit going back to the government is justifiable. It would be the sort of birthright that we dare not question.
I admire my bosses who have spent 20 or even 30 odd years serving the company, and indirectly the nation. These are the loyalist who could have resigned and work elsewhere and easily earning triple or quadruple the salary they are enjoying now.
Statistic which was released sometime in late 2007 made a comparison between the earnings of Oil & Gas technical expertise in different part of the world. No surprise there that the earnings of the locals in Asia Pacific are the lowest, in which the expatriate working here are earning 4 times higher than the same locals who has the same years of experience. You would see this scenario everywhere, regardless of which nationals they are from.
This, ladies and gentleman, is the sole reason why PETRONAS staffs migrate to other companies, especially in Middle East. Two years ago, the whole section of technician in MLNG of about 40 staff resigned and works in Middle East, and a lot of other pursuit by other individual soon followed. A colleague of mine who has worked for 6 years was offered a USD 10K salary plus benefit to migrate and work in the Middle East. At this critical point where there are lack of expert in the Oil & Gas field and the eagerness of other companies racing to offer better compensation, some of my collegue who merely work for 2 years even migrated to other service providers and consultant offices which are offering … a lot more.
Nowadays, the 30 something thousand of PETRONAS staff are mostly juniors. In my division of about 1,200 staff, 50% of them are junior staff with experience of less than 5 years. Can you imagine the struggle that PETRONAS has to accomplish in trying to excite the staff to continue being loyal to the national’s agenda?
So, it is not that PETRONAS boast about being a loyalist by being underpaid and serving the nation undividedly, but we are. Take our bonus away, take our other benefit, scrutinize our every movement and decision, and you take away those loyal ‘government’ servant who wants nothing more than loyally serving the nation.
So please hear us out. If you can’t support us, join us and then you see. Thank you.
---
To celebrate our anniversary, I asked my boyfriend to take me out to some place expensive. We drove around, and he made a quick stop in SHELL (mind me) and turn to me and said. “Sayang, this is the most expensive place I know”.
(Bam..) Well, of course he was just kidding around but this onviously is the impact of RM 1.92 vs RM 2.70
Oil price has made a shocking increase from the usual USD 30 to a startling USD 130 within this last 5 years. In it’s heavily consequence of subsidizing the masses, the government made a bold decision last month to increase the petrol from RM 1.92 to RM 2.70. Some says that the reaction by the government shows apathy to the suffering of its people.
Let me try to educate you how the RM 2.70 came about?
Fuel price in Malaysia is controlled by the government using a formula under the automatic pricing mechanism introduced in 1974.
The calculation is made based on the actual cost of petrol or diesel, the operating costs, margin for dealers, margin for retail oil companies and the balancing number of duty or subsidy.
This is how it is calculated:
Product Cost : RM2.7637
Marketing Cost : RM0.0692 (fixed)
Distribution Cost : RM0.0262 (fixed)
Dealers' Commission : RM0.0950 (fixed)
Companies' profit : RM0.05 (fixed)
Duty or subsidy : (RM0.30)
Total Pump Price = RM2.7041
So you see, no retail oil company or dealer makes money from the hike of fuel prices. Oil companies pay for the product at market prices, but have to sell low, so the government reimburses the difference, hence subsidy. So, let me try to spell this out clearly to you, we (PETRONAS) have NOTHING to do with the fuel hike.
In fact, we do not even earn as high in the increasing oil price scenario. Exxon Mobil who preached about being the top of the Big Four Company in world earns USD 40 Bil in 2007, just USD 1 Bil higher than the year before due to the increase in price in producing 1 barrel of oil, as any other Oil & Gas majors in the world including PETRONAS.
Friends, We realize the fact that as PETRONAS was set up in 1974 with the seed capital of RM 10 Million by the government, we are obliged to generate income and value back to its shareholder, which is the government. Hence, after 34 years of hard earned work by the people who are loyal to serving the nation, we can boast on our 2007 Year End Financial Statement of RM 570 Billion in accumulated profit in which last year, we proudly sit on No 121 in terms of revenue of the Fortune 500.
Some critics have the misconception that we had it easy just because we are an Oil & Gas company, but do you know that not all National Oil Company (NOC) stand as tall as us? There come about a perverse fact that PETRONAS Carigali, the arms of the Exploration & Production for PETRONAS is duly given the right to explore and produce the blocks in Malaysia just because we are a linked to a government entity. This statement is very misleading as much as it is not true.
As an operator in this country, PETRONAS Carigali has the same rightful ownership to the entire Oil & Gas field in Malaysia as other operators such as Shell, Newfield or even ConocoPhillips in its quest to bid for the national interest. In fact, most blocks offshore Sabah & Sarawak are operated by the other operators like the famous deepwater Kikeh by Murphy Oil or even the Shell’s MLNG. However, I do have to admit that having an Oil & Gas reserve on our very own backyard does have its perks on gaining the capability advantage.
PETRONAS is perhaps a National Oil Entity, for now. 20 years down the road, it might transform itself into an International Oil Company, where in the depleting Oil & Gas scenario in Malaysia at present, we will see the company aggressively venturing out to the International arena. Then it would be a question of whether the 65% of profit going back to the government is justifiable. It would be the sort of birthright that we dare not question.
I admire my bosses who have spent 20 or even 30 odd years serving the company, and indirectly the nation. These are the loyalist who could have resigned and work elsewhere and easily earning triple or quadruple the salary they are enjoying now.
Statistic which was released sometime in late 2007 made a comparison between the earnings of Oil & Gas technical expertise in different part of the world. No surprise there that the earnings of the locals in Asia Pacific are the lowest, in which the expatriate working here are earning 4 times higher than the same locals who has the same years of experience. You would see this scenario everywhere, regardless of which nationals they are from.
This, ladies and gentleman, is the sole reason why PETRONAS staffs migrate to other companies, especially in Middle East. Two years ago, the whole section of technician in MLNG of about 40 staff resigned and works in Middle East, and a lot of other pursuit by other individual soon followed. A colleague of mine who has worked for 6 years was offered a USD 10K salary plus benefit to migrate and work in the Middle East. At this critical point where there are lack of expert in the Oil & Gas field and the eagerness of other companies racing to offer better compensation, some of my collegue who merely work for 2 years even migrated to other service providers and consultant offices which are offering … a lot more.
Nowadays, the 30 something thousand of PETRONAS staff are mostly juniors. In my division of about 1,200 staff, 50% of them are junior staff with experience of less than 5 years. Can you imagine the struggle that PETRONAS has to accomplish in trying to excite the staff to continue being loyal to the national’s agenda?
So, it is not that PETRONAS boast about being a loyalist by being underpaid and serving the nation undividedly, but we are. Take our bonus away, take our other benefit, scrutinize our every movement and decision, and you take away those loyal ‘government’ servant who wants nothing more than loyally serving the nation.
So please hear us out. If you can’t support us, join us and then you see. Thank you.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Apa Hak Mereka?
This is what I read from some random blog:
… Our national wealth must be accounted for in a transparent manner. We need to know how much is earned by Petronas and we know in detail how this acquired wealth is being managed and spent. We need to know how much those in the ranks of hierarchy are being paid and how they are rewarded. What kinds of bonuses do they receive? How much is their gratuity when they retire?
And then Khir Toyo recent comment on his famous blog:
"Janganlah terlalu dipentingkan keuntungan beratus juta syarikat berkaitan kerajaan (Government Link Company - GLC) sehingga rakyat di bawah menderita. Apa penting diumumkan keuntungan besar syarikat ini tetapi rakyat tidak merasai apa-apa?" katanya.
Selain itu Khir juga menyarankan Petronas dan semua GLC negara mengumumkan keuntungan kepada kabinet sebelum kabinet memutuskan jumlah bonus yang perlu di berikan kepada mereka.
In the wake of the RM0.78 petrol increase, everyone now talks about the infamous role that PETRONAS plays in managing the price increase and the effort to solemnly share the burden of the rest of the population. I fret everytime I read a post about PETRONAS. How dare they talk like they own us (or probably the do. Gosh, what a realisation).
Malaysian are very oblivious about the world scenario. They are comparing PETRONAS to other governmental body which does not come close to generating even some minor revenue of the country, and they expect that we (PETRONAS staff hereafter) would want to share our well-deserved hard-earned value of bonus with the rest of the government bodies.
Look at this. It is bad enough that we do not get the market pay that we deserve, now we are being denied our only solace.
They (the community in large hereafter) often talk about globalisation and moving PETRONAS towards Global Championship, but how could we when we are being treated like a second class workers in a first class cash generating world? How do we compete with the likes of Shell, Exxonmobil, Total or even NOCs like Petrobras and CNPC when we are getting ridiculously un-competitive pay and benefit?
I’ve heard talks from unhappy friends who were seriously considering joining their other peers in Middle East, as they were not happy with the recent rumours of a 2-month bonus. (As the writer now listen to background noise of “Oi bersyukurlah”, “Ek ele.. 2 bulan pun nak komplen”, “Macam2 aa orang PETRONAS ni”).
We deserve so much more boys & girls. Please do not compare us conglomerate with your own (unless it is another Oil & Gas company), as we are pretty much aware of our net worth. I am still proud to be serving the nation, but with all this money tension all around, I may just drop my national pride and walk away.
… Our national wealth must be accounted for in a transparent manner. We need to know how much is earned by Petronas and we know in detail how this acquired wealth is being managed and spent. We need to know how much those in the ranks of hierarchy are being paid and how they are rewarded. What kinds of bonuses do they receive? How much is their gratuity when they retire?
And then Khir Toyo recent comment on his famous blog:
"Janganlah terlalu dipentingkan keuntungan beratus juta syarikat berkaitan kerajaan (Government Link Company - GLC) sehingga rakyat di bawah menderita. Apa penting diumumkan keuntungan besar syarikat ini tetapi rakyat tidak merasai apa-apa?" katanya.
Selain itu Khir juga menyarankan Petronas dan semua GLC negara mengumumkan keuntungan kepada kabinet sebelum kabinet memutuskan jumlah bonus yang perlu di berikan kepada mereka.
In the wake of the RM0.78 petrol increase, everyone now talks about the infamous role that PETRONAS plays in managing the price increase and the effort to solemnly share the burden of the rest of the population. I fret everytime I read a post about PETRONAS. How dare they talk like they own us (or probably the do. Gosh, what a realisation).
Malaysian are very oblivious about the world scenario. They are comparing PETRONAS to other governmental body which does not come close to generating even some minor revenue of the country, and they expect that we (PETRONAS staff hereafter) would want to share our well-deserved hard-earned value of bonus with the rest of the government bodies.
Look at this. It is bad enough that we do not get the market pay that we deserve, now we are being denied our only solace.
They (the community in large hereafter) often talk about globalisation and moving PETRONAS towards Global Championship, but how could we when we are being treated like a second class workers in a first class cash generating world? How do we compete with the likes of Shell, Exxonmobil, Total or even NOCs like Petrobras and CNPC when we are getting ridiculously un-competitive pay and benefit?
I’ve heard talks from unhappy friends who were seriously considering joining their other peers in Middle East, as they were not happy with the recent rumours of a 2-month bonus. (As the writer now listen to background noise of “Oi bersyukurlah”, “Ek ele.. 2 bulan pun nak komplen”, “Macam2 aa orang PETRONAS ni”).
We deserve so much more boys & girls. Please do not compare us conglomerate with your own (unless it is another Oil & Gas company), as we are pretty much aware of our net worth. I am still proud to be serving the nation, but with all this money tension all around, I may just drop my national pride and walk away.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
luahan ini... kecewa
I feel the need to blurt out this annoying truth.
It’s not great being single. There’s too many friend on your date list whenever you need a date for a party or event. You don’t know who to choose cause later they will think that your invitation is a sign for a commitment from you.
It’s not great being single. There are too many birthdays that you need to remember cause everyone is special in your life. You need to send cards and gifts, as they always remember your birthday (sometimes simply because you are single and they thought that they can give it a long shot anyway).
It’s not great being single. When you are sad and needed to confide to someone other than you female friends, you are not sure who that one person to choose from (unless he’s gay). Alas, you end up seeking comfort from many, and getting your kesian act all together.
But really, it’s not great being single. Cause when your brother is sick, no one comes to cheer you up. No one remembers you (except for your girlfriends).
Sigh.
Long sigh…
It’s not great being single. There’s too many friend on your date list whenever you need a date for a party or event. You don’t know who to choose cause later they will think that your invitation is a sign for a commitment from you.
It’s not great being single. There are too many birthdays that you need to remember cause everyone is special in your life. You need to send cards and gifts, as they always remember your birthday (sometimes simply because you are single and they thought that they can give it a long shot anyway).
It’s not great being single. When you are sad and needed to confide to someone other than you female friends, you are not sure who that one person to choose from (unless he’s gay). Alas, you end up seeking comfort from many, and getting your kesian act all together.
But really, it’s not great being single. Cause when your brother is sick, no one comes to cheer you up. No one remembers you (except for your girlfriends).
Sigh.
Long sigh…
Friday, February 15, 2008
Waiting to Exhale
It was supposed to start off as a pretty great day, not till I was reading the Sun today with its big header: Sign of Love.
Different people do different things to express their love. And this guy did it by putting up a giant billboard asking the girl to marry him. Cute. It only cost him RM40 K.
I spent my Valentine in the comfort of 3 other adorable friends. So, we were celebrating the Single Awareness Day, but they made it so much fun to be and feel single. Lefty was absolutely hilarious.
I had a chat about my personal enigma with Big Boss yesterday. I told him how everyone around me is getting hooked up, and I am still having a great deal of headache over finding the right one. They all give you the same advice and you couldn’t help but feel more let down.
I remember cheeky giving me some interesting quotes before, from the book ‘Waiting to Exhale’ that she was reading. Here it goes…
“Am I not a good catch or what?”
“We’re all good catches,” Bernadine said.
“Why are we all such good catches?” Savannah asked, leaning forward on her elbows and motioning for the other bottle of champagne.
“Because we’ve got good hearts and we’re good lays and we’re nice people. Isn’t that enough?” Bernadine said.
“Well, since you knew so damn much, why are we having such a hard-ass time meeting Mr. Wonderful?” Robin asked. Nobody had the answer to that one.
Yes, does anyone have the answer to that? People keep saying the same thing over and over again, and it is indeed non-reassuring. I wouldn’t say that I had lots of heartbreaks, but I did had a lot of almost… Period.
Few more interesting quotes:
“I know I’m not going to hear from him. And I hate the thought that I made a fool of myself. That I spilled my guts. Made my most intimate feelings known. How could somebody who acted so sincere be so insincere? How could he play with my feelings like this? I would never do this kind of shit to anybody. Never.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 368.
“It was my fault. I was the one who made the decision to open up my little heart. I was the one who said, ‘Here, go ahead and have some. Here, go ahead and take it.’ I’ve accepted responsibility for what for what I allowed to happen to me. I gambled. And I lost. But it wasn’t the end of the world.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 377.
Gosh.. It totally reflected what I’ve been feeling recently. Then this one:
“The ones that are good for us, we find dull and boring, and then we pick the assholes, the ones who won’t cooperate, the ones who offer us the most challenge and get our blood flowing and shit. Those are the motherfu*kers we fall in love with.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 324.
It got to me totally. And at the end, this is what HE said:
Quote from Grey’s Anatomy:
“Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life.” – Dr Meredith Grey
Yes, life was indeed wrecked.
Different people do different things to express their love. And this guy did it by putting up a giant billboard asking the girl to marry him. Cute. It only cost him RM40 K.
I spent my Valentine in the comfort of 3 other adorable friends. So, we were celebrating the Single Awareness Day, but they made it so much fun to be and feel single. Lefty was absolutely hilarious.
I had a chat about my personal enigma with Big Boss yesterday. I told him how everyone around me is getting hooked up, and I am still having a great deal of headache over finding the right one. They all give you the same advice and you couldn’t help but feel more let down.
I remember cheeky giving me some interesting quotes before, from the book ‘Waiting to Exhale’ that she was reading. Here it goes…
“Am I not a good catch or what?”
“We’re all good catches,” Bernadine said.
“Why are we all such good catches?” Savannah asked, leaning forward on her elbows and motioning for the other bottle of champagne.
“Because we’ve got good hearts and we’re good lays and we’re nice people. Isn’t that enough?” Bernadine said.
“Well, since you knew so damn much, why are we having such a hard-ass time meeting Mr. Wonderful?” Robin asked. Nobody had the answer to that one.
Yes, does anyone have the answer to that? People keep saying the same thing over and over again, and it is indeed non-reassuring. I wouldn’t say that I had lots of heartbreaks, but I did had a lot of almost… Period.
Few more interesting quotes:
“I know I’m not going to hear from him. And I hate the thought that I made a fool of myself. That I spilled my guts. Made my most intimate feelings known. How could somebody who acted so sincere be so insincere? How could he play with my feelings like this? I would never do this kind of shit to anybody. Never.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 368.
“It was my fault. I was the one who made the decision to open up my little heart. I was the one who said, ‘Here, go ahead and have some. Here, go ahead and take it.’ I’ve accepted responsibility for what for what I allowed to happen to me. I gambled. And I lost. But it wasn’t the end of the world.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 377.
Gosh.. It totally reflected what I’ve been feeling recently. Then this one:
“The ones that are good for us, we find dull and boring, and then we pick the assholes, the ones who won’t cooperate, the ones who offer us the most challenge and get our blood flowing and shit. Those are the motherfu*kers we fall in love with.”
- Waiting to Exhale, pg 324.
It got to me totally. And at the end, this is what HE said:
Quote from Grey’s Anatomy:
“Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life.” – Dr Meredith Grey
Yes, life was indeed wrecked.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Aku bengang.. tahap dewa
I am so freaking pissed right now. Here I am in the office trying to work my ass off for the company, but I was refuse entryto the tower. Why? They say that I am not dressed decently!
What the…. I am wearing my decent jeans, and sleeveless top. It’s not like I am wearing a spaghetti top in short skirt, or even a singlet with hot pants. It’s just the sleeveless top!
How can you define decent or not? Would this actually means that I have to be fully covered from now on?
Screw that.
I am just annoyed with the fact that I actually come to the office during the weekend untuk syarikat tercinta, but I was not even appreciated. How silly is that! I know how to differenciate decency from not. My brain is powerful enough to translate right from wrong k.
But I guess maybe that’s not the case for the guards, cleaners of those technicians working in the tower. They are just such a perv. Their hormone rushing with desire when they see flesh of human skin. Damn those perv.
I am still angry, and I don’t think I can work. Just gonna pack my bag and leave. Goodbye office. You had just lost one hardworking staff, and now I don’t care s**t anymore about finishing this work.
What the…. I am wearing my decent jeans, and sleeveless top. It’s not like I am wearing a spaghetti top in short skirt, or even a singlet with hot pants. It’s just the sleeveless top!
How can you define decent or not? Would this actually means that I have to be fully covered from now on?
Screw that.
I am just annoyed with the fact that I actually come to the office during the weekend untuk syarikat tercinta, but I was not even appreciated. How silly is that! I know how to differenciate decency from not. My brain is powerful enough to translate right from wrong k.
But I guess maybe that’s not the case for the guards, cleaners of those technicians working in the tower. They are just such a perv. Their hormone rushing with desire when they see flesh of human skin. Damn those perv.
I am still angry, and I don’t think I can work. Just gonna pack my bag and leave. Goodbye office. You had just lost one hardworking staff, and now I don’t care s**t anymore about finishing this work.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Aku Ingin .. Sangat Ingin
I am at the point where i forgot my own blog address, and had to click through one of those blog address that you kept in your in your 'Add to You Favourites'. That is a how long i haven't been blogging.
It's a wonder what internet serves, as you can even google your name up and see yours truely appears in someone else's blog. Then you realises that there are anonymous out there who actually read your blog, and interestingly, kept your link in their blog. Suddenly you felt important.
Lately, i haven't felt important to anyone, except for maybe my boss. He needs me to organise his work, thus my trip to Turkmenistan last week. At least, someone appreciates you.
I just haven't got the luck i wanted. I badly wanted it. This is again just some stupid feeling of loneliness creeping through. I want badly.. to be wanted so bad.
It's a wonder what internet serves, as you can even google your name up and see yours truely appears in someone else's blog. Then you realises that there are anonymous out there who actually read your blog, and interestingly, kept your link in their blog. Suddenly you felt important.
Lately, i haven't felt important to anyone, except for maybe my boss. He needs me to organise his work, thus my trip to Turkmenistan last week. At least, someone appreciates you.
I just haven't got the luck i wanted. I badly wanted it. This is again just some stupid feeling of loneliness creeping through. I want badly.. to be wanted so bad.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Semuanya selamat?
I think love keeps me going. The enthusiasm of getting to know a person, or the feeling of maybe there will be a slight chance of happiness would be all over me, hence the excitement.
I haven’t felt that for quite a while. I only felt heartbroken. I feel empty.
Furlong said I’ve changed. I think that is very much true.
I am tired of waiting. I am tired of getting hurt. I want to escape. Take a long break from work.. and people.
Sometimes I feel suicidal. I am not sure how I am going to live my life.
Thanks Wan for all the things you’ve done for me. If you didn’t come out as my savior the other day, I would have already done something stupid. You’ve been a great friend. But, why were we not compatible when you understand me so much? Ego got in the way? Did I ask too much?
A person would need a purpose of living.. It’s what some companies normally envision as their mission statement. I think I lack that. I need to have a strong purpose. I need to chart my future.
I am not sure what my goals are. I see myself as very simple, yet people say that I’m complicated. I think I sometimes think too much. I observe, and I put too much thought to it.
You need to just go with the flow. Put on a brave smile every morning, and hide your true emotion. I am already sick with that.
That is woman with emotion. I think my PMS got in the way. That is why this long suicidal note. Don’t worry. I won’t do something stupid, God forbid.
I just need that one sign that everything would be ok. I just need to be with someone normal right now to TELL ME that everything would be ok. I just need that moment in time where I KNOW everything would be ok. I just want TO FEEL that everything would be ok. I won’t ask for more. Would everything be ok?
I haven’t felt that for quite a while. I only felt heartbroken. I feel empty.
Furlong said I’ve changed. I think that is very much true.
I am tired of waiting. I am tired of getting hurt. I want to escape. Take a long break from work.. and people.
Sometimes I feel suicidal. I am not sure how I am going to live my life.
Thanks Wan for all the things you’ve done for me. If you didn’t come out as my savior the other day, I would have already done something stupid. You’ve been a great friend. But, why were we not compatible when you understand me so much? Ego got in the way? Did I ask too much?
A person would need a purpose of living.. It’s what some companies normally envision as their mission statement. I think I lack that. I need to have a strong purpose. I need to chart my future.
I am not sure what my goals are. I see myself as very simple, yet people say that I’m complicated. I think I sometimes think too much. I observe, and I put too much thought to it.
You need to just go with the flow. Put on a brave smile every morning, and hide your true emotion. I am already sick with that.
That is woman with emotion. I think my PMS got in the way. That is why this long suicidal note. Don’t worry. I won’t do something stupid, God forbid.
I just need that one sign that everything would be ok. I just need to be with someone normal right now to TELL ME that everything would be ok. I just need that moment in time where I KNOW everything would be ok. I just want TO FEEL that everything would be ok. I won’t ask for more. Would everything be ok?
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