Saya Suka Kamu... Atau TIDAK Lagi

Life has not been very interesting for me these past few weeks. I was busy with the board presentation, didn’t had much for myself and my life, and was struck with runs of bad lucks.

It really made me think about life and what I have done to really deserve this. I am neither too good of a person, or the tail end most worst person in the world. I might have done some stupid things in the past, but none that would be considered a major revamp of my existence.

Since I now commute to work, again, I had time to think about life and future. I hate it when I have time to think, cause I will then think about those things I’ve done (which ain’t a lot), those times I missed (due to working commitment) and those people who used to love me (and dump me in the end). Ain’t a pretty sight indeed.

Yesterday, while commuting to Subang (for futsal hooray..), I had time to think about my boyfriend-less situation. Earlier, I had lunch with this Minnesota guy I knew a while back, and after hearing himself say the same thing, “Ah come on.. Xde boyfriend? Ke you x kasi chance”, I had to re-evaluate my thinking process. Am I that choosy?

Vedder was a nice guy, but I let him go. I could have live a sweet wonderful life with him but I choose not to because there’s some part of him that I cannot accept. Yeah.. I was choosy.

There are also some other guys that seem ok, but never really did get to the part of self-confession. And I didn’t really give them a try – rejecting dinners, not picking up the phone. I guess, I really haven’t achieve that comfort level with them yet.

But there are also guys that I like. So far in these 2 years, there was that guy who played tennis (I like guys who can play tennis.. Ops..), the guy at the gym (who after that had a 4 weeks relationship with me, and didn’t have the guts to tell me at the end that he found someone else), the Petronas guy (who I have no feeling now after I know him much better, and he’s already taken anyway) and last but not least, this other Petronas guy (who I don’t think I want to pursue anymore).

I am just plain tired. It drains out all your emotion and energy you see. But, just to give a scoop on the latest of them all conquest I have right now.

IMN… I guess he does have some minor feelings toward me. It’s just that I feel like I am done waiting for him to profess. I don’t think I want to pursue this anymore, and that was exactly what I had in mind when I commute to Subang yesterday. But then I hit a soft spot when I suddenly received an sms, 5 minutes after I made that impromptu decision. Was it an indicative sign to tell me that he always think of me, or is he not?

Some two weeks ago on one of my hectic day, IMN and me was supposed to go out after work (IMN promised me that he’s gonna treat me for coffee/dinner/whatever) when suddenly, my boss has this last minute meeting with En Jo, and we had to spend the night discussing on the paper to be presented to En Joe the next morning. I made him wait at my compact cubicles for 4 damn long hours (not that I force him or something. He can leave whenever he wants). But, he patiently wait, without a flick of anger. I was pleasantly surprise. He never break promises you see. So, we ended having coffee at around 10 and talked about ex’s and girls/guys we like. Hoo.. Isn’t that indicative enough?

He must have known by now that I have some feelings toward him. Me asking all those stupid questions! Isn’t it obvious enough or is he just oblivious? And whenever I was down, I would sms him. And whenever he’s bored (ha ha), he’ll sms me. Our typical daily routine!

We went out last Friday to Bangsar with another friend of mine, then spend some time at his office (and got kicked out from the building by this rude guard), and we chatted and chatted. It was closest to a date that I could get to spend with him. He would never really ask me out (cause he never ask ppl out!… except that he did ask me out for breakfast and sometimes out for a drink after office hours. eventhough he told me that he doesn’t like to ask others out because he doesn’t like to oblige others to him), and I would NEVER ask him out. Come on.. Me asking some guy I like OUT? Never in a zillion years.

So now how…

I’m just gonna drop this off. With this hectic working schedule that I have, I don’t think I’m gonna have a bf soon. I told Zalia earlier that I am launching this ‘7 Hari Mencari Cinta’ campaign, currently overdue. Now, resetting the timing, and the countdown already started last Monday. At this rate, don’t think it’s possible. 7 days are more like 7 years maybe…

I’m so tense. Don’t have a car right now, hence, not much life. It’s not like I had a life either before.

Argh…. My flow of thoughts are interrupted by the short briefing I had with my boss just now. Damn it. Now in no mood to talk about my sappy life. Better start doing some serious work right now.

Ok diary, I guess I have to log off. And yeah, I’m not gonna think about IMN anymore. Cheers.