Life has not been very interesting for me these past few weeks. I was busy with the board presentation, didn’t had much for myself and my life, and was struck with runs of bad lucks.
It really made me think about life and what I have done to really deserve this. I am neither too good of a person, or the tail end most worst person in the world. I might have done some stupid things in the past, but none that would be considered a major revamp of my existence.
Since I now commute to work, again, I had time to think about life and future. I hate it when I have time to think, cause I will then think about those things I’ve done (which ain’t a lot), those times I missed (due to working commitment) and those people who used to love me (and dump me in the end). Ain’t a pretty sight indeed.
Yesterday, while commuting to Subang (for futsal hooray..), I had time to think about my boyfriend-less situation. Earlier, I had lunch with this Minnesota guy I knew a while back, and after hearing himself say the same thing, “Ah come on.. Xde boyfriend? Ke you x kasi chance”, I had to re-evaluate my thinking process. Am I that choosy?
Vedder was a nice guy, but I let him go. I could have live a sweet wonderful life with him but I choose not to because there’s some part of him that I cannot accept. Yeah.. I was choosy.
There are also some other guys that seem ok, but never really did get to the part of self-confession. And I didn’t really give them a try – rejecting dinners, not picking up the phone. I guess, I really haven’t achieve that comfort level with them yet.
But there are also guys that I like. So far in these 2 years, there was that guy who played tennis (I like guys who can play tennis.. Ops..), the guy at the gym (who after that had a 4 weeks relationship with me, and didn’t have the guts to tell me at the end that he found someone else), the Petronas guy (who I have no feeling now after I know him much better, and he’s already taken anyway) and last but not least, this other Petronas guy (who I don’t think I want to pursue anymore).
I am just plain tired. It drains out all your emotion and energy you see. But, just to give a scoop on the latest of them all conquest I have right now.
IMN… I guess he does have some minor feelings toward me. It’s just that I feel like I am done waiting for him to profess. I don’t think I want to pursue this anymore, and that was exactly what I had in mind when I commute to Subang yesterday. But then I hit a soft spot when I suddenly received an sms, 5 minutes after I made that impromptu decision. Was it an indicative sign to tell me that he always think of me, or is he not?
Some two weeks ago on one of my hectic day, IMN and me was supposed to go out after work (IMN promised me that he’s gonna treat me for coffee/dinner/whatever) when suddenly, my boss has this last minute meeting with En Jo, and we had to spend the night discussing on the paper to be presented to En Joe the next morning. I made him wait at my compact cubicles for 4 damn long hours (not that I force him or something. He can leave whenever he wants). But, he patiently wait, without a flick of anger. I was pleasantly surprise. He never break promises you see. So, we ended having coffee at around 10 and talked about ex’s and girls/guys we like. Hoo.. Isn’t that indicative enough?
He must have known by now that I have some feelings toward him. Me asking all those stupid questions! Isn’t it obvious enough or is he just oblivious? And whenever I was down, I would sms him. And whenever he’s bored (ha ha), he’ll sms me. Our typical daily routine!
We went out last Friday to Bangsar with another friend of mine, then spend some time at his office (and got kicked out from the building by this rude guard), and we chatted and chatted. It was closest to a date that I could get to spend with him. He would never really ask me out (cause he never ask ppl out!… except that he did ask me out for breakfast and sometimes out for a drink after office hours. eventhough he told me that he doesn’t like to ask others out because he doesn’t like to oblige others to him), and I would NEVER ask him out. Come on.. Me asking some guy I like OUT? Never in a zillion years.
So now how…
I’m just gonna drop this off. With this hectic working schedule that I have, I don’t think I’m gonna have a bf soon. I told Zalia earlier that I am launching this ‘7 Hari Mencari Cinta’ campaign, currently overdue. Now, resetting the timing, and the countdown already started last Monday. At this rate, don’t think it’s possible. 7 days are more like 7 years maybe…
I’m so tense. Don’t have a car right now, hence, not much life. It’s not like I had a life either before.
Argh…. My flow of thoughts are interrupted by the short briefing I had with my boss just now. Damn it. Now in no mood to talk about my sappy life. Better start doing some serious work right now.
Ok diary, I guess I have to log off. And yeah, I’m not gonna think about IMN anymore. Cheers.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
Rumusan Hujung Minggu
I think, I am having a crush towards this particular guy. I don't think he's handsome or anything, but the fact that he's giving me mixed confused signal starting to get on my nerve. I don't think that he's the type that I would fall for.. really. He's cold.. very cold. Not really the kind I'd go after. I think I might be liking him because of these two MAJOR reason:
1. I am feeling desperately lonely. Kinda like today (and any other day), when I wanted to go back early and spend time with that special someone, but there's none really.
2. He's not responding well. Hard catch, and I strongly think that he's not that great of a bf. I'm liking him because he's been ignoring me?
But you know what.. He can bake. Hehe.. Guys who can cook is such a turn on.
Anyway, leaving that all behind now.
So, I had a great tiring weekend. It was Agong's birthday on Saturday, so, we at Petronas had the day off on Friday. The fantastic four (aka Myself, Fiza Lonjong, Basman perasan macho and Peter Wongker) drove to PD. Great time it was, that we decided to drive to Malacca (Wongker was absolutely thrill to visit all the historical places... photographer heaven la kononnya). We made a pact. I'll pose, and by the end of the year, he'll be producing my own Calender featuring myself cover page. Hehe.. Corny aint't it. Just that stupid crazy idea I had.
We ate a lot.. And I do mean a lot. The seafood was good, much better than the one we had at Hartamas yesterday. I can't even swallow most of it anyway.
On Sunday, I spent time with my niece and nephew. Argh.. I misses them. I wish I have my own kid, wouldn't it be nice. You've got something to look forward to everytime you go back home. Hmm...
Ok.. I've made up my mind. I want to go back NOW. Tomorrow, I think I would drive to work. Hehe... And tomorrow, I think of going on a date. Anyone?
1. I am feeling desperately lonely. Kinda like today (and any other day), when I wanted to go back early and spend time with that special someone, but there's none really.
2. He's not responding well. Hard catch, and I strongly think that he's not that great of a bf. I'm liking him because he's been ignoring me?
But you know what.. He can bake. Hehe.. Guys who can cook is such a turn on.
Anyway, leaving that all behind now.
So, I had a great tiring weekend. It was Agong's birthday on Saturday, so, we at Petronas had the day off on Friday. The fantastic four (aka Myself, Fiza Lonjong, Basman perasan macho and Peter Wongker) drove to PD. Great time it was, that we decided to drive to Malacca (Wongker was absolutely thrill to visit all the historical places... photographer heaven la kononnya). We made a pact. I'll pose, and by the end of the year, he'll be producing my own Calender featuring myself cover page. Hehe.. Corny aint't it. Just that stupid crazy idea I had.
We ate a lot.. And I do mean a lot. The seafood was good, much better than the one we had at Hartamas yesterday. I can't even swallow most of it anyway.
On Sunday, I spent time with my niece and nephew. Argh.. I misses them. I wish I have my own kid, wouldn't it be nice. You've got something to look forward to everytime you go back home. Hmm...
Ok.. I've made up my mind. I want to go back NOW. Tomorrow, I think I would drive to work. Hehe... And tomorrow, I think of going on a date. Anyone?
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Rambling thoughts = Cakap Merapu
I am currently listening to 'Sephia' from Sheila on 7 on my WMP. I don't know why, but there's just that special something about this song that makes me felt something deep. When I was hanging out with Vedder sometime ago in Putrajaya, we happen to be listening to some guy singing to this tune. Not sure whether it was the way that he sang the song, or his good looks, either way, it left a deep impact to me. I felt like he was singing from his heart, and there was so much love around. It felt real.
And suddenly out of the blue, I told Madi that I wanted to get married. You know what he said… “Tu la. Dah kahwin nanti mesti menyesal”, “Huh… Nape plak?” I replied back, and he gave the most honest answer, “Cause tak kahwin awal2”.. Good one there. Almost got me! :P
Anyway, today has been very slow for me. Yesterday, I was called up by my boss in the middle of the night to seek one piece of info from the exploration database. As I was the only one with access to the data, and I didn’t have my laptop with me, I had to go back to the office (yeah.. I was already home when my boss called me up) and extract that info. The sad part is, that piece of info turns out to be irrelevant. Me sweating all out to the office for no reason at all.
But the cool thing is, my boss felt the splurge of guilt. He thank me over and over again, and I was even given an appraisal email to be included into my PPA. Even my big boss commented on that. Woo.. I guess the trip was really worth it. Me behind the wheel, and this time, I was actually doing much better.
I didn’t feel like doing much, so I spent time slowly doing some cosmetic to my presentation pack, and spend hours chatting with Iv. We’ve suddenly been chatting more and more these days. That’s a good thing, cause I’ve been feeling very left out lately, I don’t think I’ve hang out much with my buddies. They’ve been very busy these past few weeks, and yeah again, I am boyfriend less, so the loneliness and emptiness IS there. So far, weekends at home is an almost definite.
Hmmmm…
You know what.. The French Open fever is ON! Argh.. But there’s no way I can watch the games. Hmm… Wish I was back in Melbourne, and I would spend countless hours watching the matches. Haven’t spent much time watching TV, even F1. Oh, how I miss schooling, where you would always have time for just about anything, and skipping some classes in between. Ahaks.
I guess you could never get what you wanted. I was chatting with Iv, and one of the interesting topic arising was what it is that you look at a girl/guy. Come on guys.. Think…
Yeah, looks are important, and so is the personality. But I guess for me, it’s simply how much of his bad side that you can tolerate. You can never find someone perfect, so you just had to learn to live with it. Then, it would be just finding a compatible match whom bad behavior you can tolerate. He might not be funny, but at least he’s responsible. He might not be romantic, but at least he cares! Well, not my type though, but these are just the few examples. Sounds pessimistic, but looks very realistic. What is my type? Eh.. Cannot tell. Later, bahaya… I kan cepat cair.
Anyway.. laters……..
And suddenly out of the blue, I told Madi that I wanted to get married. You know what he said… “Tu la. Dah kahwin nanti mesti menyesal”, “Huh… Nape plak?” I replied back, and he gave the most honest answer, “Cause tak kahwin awal2”.. Good one there. Almost got me! :P
Anyway, today has been very slow for me. Yesterday, I was called up by my boss in the middle of the night to seek one piece of info from the exploration database. As I was the only one with access to the data, and I didn’t have my laptop with me, I had to go back to the office (yeah.. I was already home when my boss called me up) and extract that info. The sad part is, that piece of info turns out to be irrelevant. Me sweating all out to the office for no reason at all.
But the cool thing is, my boss felt the splurge of guilt. He thank me over and over again, and I was even given an appraisal email to be included into my PPA. Even my big boss commented on that. Woo.. I guess the trip was really worth it. Me behind the wheel, and this time, I was actually doing much better.
I didn’t feel like doing much, so I spent time slowly doing some cosmetic to my presentation pack, and spend hours chatting with Iv. We’ve suddenly been chatting more and more these days. That’s a good thing, cause I’ve been feeling very left out lately, I don’t think I’ve hang out much with my buddies. They’ve been very busy these past few weeks, and yeah again, I am boyfriend less, so the loneliness and emptiness IS there. So far, weekends at home is an almost definite.
Hmmmm…
You know what.. The French Open fever is ON! Argh.. But there’s no way I can watch the games. Hmm… Wish I was back in Melbourne, and I would spend countless hours watching the matches. Haven’t spent much time watching TV, even F1. Oh, how I miss schooling, where you would always have time for just about anything, and skipping some classes in between. Ahaks.
I guess you could never get what you wanted. I was chatting with Iv, and one of the interesting topic arising was what it is that you look at a girl/guy. Come on guys.. Think…
Yeah, looks are important, and so is the personality. But I guess for me, it’s simply how much of his bad side that you can tolerate. You can never find someone perfect, so you just had to learn to live with it. Then, it would be just finding a compatible match whom bad behavior you can tolerate. He might not be funny, but at least he’s responsible. He might not be romantic, but at least he cares! Well, not my type though, but these are just the few examples. Sounds pessimistic, but looks very realistic. What is my type? Eh.. Cannot tell. Later, bahaya… I kan cepat cair.
Anyway.. laters……..
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