Baby is Coming .. So When do the Tears Come?

The 2 most anticipated pregnancy moment eagerly awaited by expecting mom is to hear that first heart beat and baby’s first kick. I was excited yes, but there was no teary moment or that sappy sentimental mode that lasted for days.

You see, we waited so long for the baby that there was supposed to be drama ensued. Instead we looked at the doctor half disbelief. Like when he told me, “Puan Suhana, you are pregnant” with that straight cold face, the first reaction that came out of me was, “Are you sure?”, “Oh ok”. It’s as if you are replying to your boss or just another colleague that emotionless “Noted with thanks” instant reply, just to formally capture an acknowledgement of a response back.

I am still waiting for that heartbreaking teary moment where I would burst into tears, but we have been handling this with a lot of calmness. Yeay, baby is coming. Now let’s start planning this… and that… and yeah those too.. and why not that…. It seems like this has not sunk in yet.

Maybe later, when the back pain is unbearable and there shall be more crams at nights to wake up for. Or when I would eventually stop my planning-mode and just enjoy every single baby’s movement, maybe the tears would come … eventually.  

Dhiya Qishrina, the latest Sidik addition (and NO, not mine)

Meet Dhiya Qishrina, 2 days old. She caused quite a stir on my facebook timeline today, as people confused her with baby M. Oh no, i still have 2 months to go before baby M see the world.

But look at that angelic face. It's amazing how babies can look so peaceful, so perfect and adorable in many ways (but i know there's some of you who think otherwise. Like how can baby be adorable. Buek).

She may look grumpy here but she has been a good girl the whole 2 days, sleeping through the night and resting well throughout the day. I hope baby M would follow the trait. Well, they are cousin anyway. Aren't they suppose to be similar in behavior or something haha.

My sister Dibah brave through her delivery without any epidural. I dont think i am that strong, and that i can endure pain that long. My mom gave birth to 10 ourstanding children and i hate to imagine how much pain she went through.

Fingers crossed. Hope everything goes well. Countdown begins.

The grudge of a weekend spouse

Pregnancy hormone has started to hit me hard these last few weeks. Well, mostly at home, where i am very pissy most times. And dear hubby has to bear the grunts and constant sulking i have.

But spending time away doesn't help either. I crave attention when he is home during weekends. And i am jealous of baby M for all these attention that we have given, to make sure that M has all that is needed. And because raising a baby is not cheap, we (or maybe ME) would spend hours everyday on researching for the best deals or planning for M's future already.

Why is this so hard now when we previously embarked on this marriage with me being away in Pasir Gudang Johor Bahru for a good few years. I was a weekend wife. We just spent a good 1 year living together before his project kicked off in full speed and now he is making his weekly travel to Pasir Gudang.

I guess staying alone is hard. Never really thought it through when i insisted that we have a place to finally call our own last year. It does feel quiet here.

So they say that when you marry an oil&gas professionals, these are the kind of emptiness that you have to bear with. You should expect far away posting so that you would be able to enhance your career progression. Hard work pays off, and the further you go, the more you learn. So expect to work in remote city in Sudan, Turkmenistan or Angola, because there is where the bulk of the money is made for the company. Be mentally ready.

I am trying hard to get myself ready now. But this loneliness is killing me. Need. to. keep. myself. ready.

Can't wait to have this precious soul to accompany me when daddy is not around. Have a safe trip sayang, cause we love you.