Find a new hobby.. Find a new hobby...
For a starter, I might write my thoughts here. Have been quite a while. I am not an avid writer, nor do I write well. I guess, I just need to occupy my time.
Vinodh likes to cycle, Shahril like to take photo, Irfan with his scuba diving and the list goes on and on. These are the wonderful people whom I have met during orientation.
So, with a new inspiring ambition, I will write, start taking up rock climbing, go camping, go meet up new exciting people (ops!) and so on so on.
So sit tight and enjoy the ride while I take this chance to guide you through my soon-to-be exciting life. Heck, I might be the only one reading this. No worries.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
I used to be so in love. I used to cry night and days. I used to have this sick feeling that I am doomed for life. I used to blame myself for everything that gone wrong between us. I used to feel that I can never satisfy any guy. I used to had a lot of things, and lost them all in just a blink of an eye. I used to… And I still do.
People say that being single means that you have the luxury of going fishing for guys since there are abundant of them in the pool. Well not for me. Being single means that I have lost all self confidence there is. Well, it is not such a huge thrill to discover, since I never had the confidence even when I was in a relationship anyway.
When your relationship isn’t as smooth as it appears on the surface, you start wondering what aspect of yourself that wasn’t pleasing enough. It happens to me often. Now, it is happening again.
Yesterday, I made a fool of myself. I told him that I like him. I told him that he was the guy that I have fallen so deep in love with. I told him that he was the one I was always thought of. And I came clean.
It is not such a wonderful experience you see. Being too late to confess your love, and when you had the courage to do so, to eventually realize that he is tied to someone else. Came this spurge feeling of anguish to that girl who has managed to steal his heart before you did. Came the question of why not you. Came the heavy conclusion that you were not worth his effort.
I was really on the verge of breakdown. I wanted to cry out my heart, and let the world know my suffering. I wanted this hurt to fade away. Instead, I chose the one thing I always do. I kept it to myself and act as nothing did happen. I put on my fake smile and act normal. In between the laughs, I would pause to gather my courage. I need to get through this for my survival.
I fall for him since the first time I laid eyes on him. This is what people said about love at first sight, and I have experience it once in my life. It is a painful one indeed. I don’t know what draws me to him, but I am sure that I felt that instant connection. I was brave in a lot of ways. I asked for his phone number, and somehow throw myself at him. He never realized that.
Maybe the sad part is that he never had the same feeling. I thought that the signs were obvious. I really thought that he actually had some feelings towards me. I guess I was wrong. I was never any good in relationship, hence that explains my numbness.
Anyway… I need be strong. Again I’ve been telling myself the same thing. There are more fishes in the sea.
People say that being single means that you have the luxury of going fishing for guys since there are abundant of them in the pool. Well not for me. Being single means that I have lost all self confidence there is. Well, it is not such a huge thrill to discover, since I never had the confidence even when I was in a relationship anyway.
When your relationship isn’t as smooth as it appears on the surface, you start wondering what aspect of yourself that wasn’t pleasing enough. It happens to me often. Now, it is happening again.
Yesterday, I made a fool of myself. I told him that I like him. I told him that he was the guy that I have fallen so deep in love with. I told him that he was the one I was always thought of. And I came clean.
It is not such a wonderful experience you see. Being too late to confess your love, and when you had the courage to do so, to eventually realize that he is tied to someone else. Came this spurge feeling of anguish to that girl who has managed to steal his heart before you did. Came the question of why not you. Came the heavy conclusion that you were not worth his effort.
I was really on the verge of breakdown. I wanted to cry out my heart, and let the world know my suffering. I wanted this hurt to fade away. Instead, I chose the one thing I always do. I kept it to myself and act as nothing did happen. I put on my fake smile and act normal. In between the laughs, I would pause to gather my courage. I need to get through this for my survival.
I fall for him since the first time I laid eyes on him. This is what people said about love at first sight, and I have experience it once in my life. It is a painful one indeed. I don’t know what draws me to him, but I am sure that I felt that instant connection. I was brave in a lot of ways. I asked for his phone number, and somehow throw myself at him. He never realized that.
Maybe the sad part is that he never had the same feeling. I thought that the signs were obvious. I really thought that he actually had some feelings towards me. I guess I was wrong. I was never any good in relationship, hence that explains my numbness.
Anyway… I need be strong. Again I’ve been telling myself the same thing. There are more fishes in the sea.
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