New blogsite

Forgive me blogspot for i have neglected you. So i have moved to a new blogsite! Newly revamped, an ideal place for me to blog better and more frequent.

 Come and support me at suhanasidik.wordpress.com.

What is your definition of Happiness?

So what is happiness to you?

People define happiness in many different ways. Whether it is the ability to splurge on a new handbag that they well deserve after a hard and stressful day at work, or the ability to soak their feet in the cool ocean water on a fancy Caribean holiday, or coming home everyday to a house with a big lawn that they fought hard to build.

We live in a hypocritical world, where our action is no longer ours to make. People judge and misled others, and that is the fact of the world. It’s what they think that matters more.

Why can’t a person happiness be different to yours? Happiness of one person differs from another, 

and in no way are we to judge a person based on our definition.

Why can’t we just be happy for other people, if truly they are happy. Who are we to judge. 

Sometimes supermom need ME time - of managing breakdown and supermommyhood

I used to be hot, like sizzling hot.

When i started in toastmaster 7 years ago, people would know my name, take my photos to put on the site cause i was very pleasant looking. I used to be so thin that i can dance to Tamil song and stand on top of another famous toastmaster Meyyapa's strong ab and stand for 5 whole second. Well that was before i got married and had a kid.

How time has changed since then.

What it was like then ………

You know how men would do just about anything in that first few months of marriage.

1. Like holding your handbag and carry it around. Well let’s face it. It’s not the most gentleman thing they would do but they would gladly do it for a women they are crazy about. 
2. And oh yes. How they would watch Bridget Jones. 10 Things I hate about You, or Legally Blonde, just because you wanted to. And perhaps his whole Netflix is dominated by your favorite show, but he never minded. As long as he gets to spend the time with you. And guess what, they even let you HOLD the remote control. How is that for girl power! 
3. And if he is sooo crazy about you, he would travel all the way from Shah Alam to Tanjung Malim because you sooo had the cravings for the pau from a specific shop, 98kms away. And you don’t even had to be pregnant to have cravings. 

Nowadays, you carry your own handbag and the babies bag, and watch your favorite show alone in the dark after your baby is asleep. If you had any cravings at all, Hubby would look at you and say that perhaps you don’t need that calories anyway cause you need to be losing weight. This is not what he signed up for.

But oh wait. What about what we sign up for.

I used to have so much time for other things.
Shopping for clothes and trying them out. Its the intrincancy of feeling the texture and looking at yourself in front of the mirror. Swirling and making pouty faces. Oh what an experience. Now it's just online shopping. Click and buy.
I used to be able to gossip with my girls until late at night, and go into a club making a diva entrance and hang out all night long. Now it's just whassap and facetime, while the baby is screaming behind.
All your time is for other people and other things.

…. And what I have to do now. 

Because i am a perfectionist, i make sure that everything i do for my son is tip top. Well, i plan for his birthdate when i was 3 months pregnant (secretly hoping he would be born on 15-5-15. That did not happen. But at least it was close, 25-5-15). And he had a grand newborn celebration that someone thought i was already doing an early engagement party for him.

 And when he was 3 months old, i was already planning for his 1 year birthday party, 9 months early. I devoted my whole time for this little one.

My weekend is spent with his gymboree class in the morning, his sensory class in the afternoon, then Sunday we would go for his baby swim & spa in the morning and some playtime in the afternoon. It was packed!

And sometimes your husband will be back from work and ask you that silly question – are you in the mood? And you roll your eyes and show him that little boy who is running and screaming with only his diapers around the house. Like what kind of question is that?

Your house is in the mess from the spilled over milk and left-over baby porridge, and you can see stains on the carpet and the white wall that you so love.
That’s not it. You had to roll over the entire roll of toilet paper back into the toilet holder and clean the stain from the carpet with the smell still intact.

And I had to admit that .. even strong woman have breakdown

Then i had a breakdown. You feel like you don't want to be a mom, this is not what you have signed up for. That's the truth. That was my struggle.

It happen when my son decided not to take his afternoon nap, and i was so tired from not sleeping the night before. I was really looking forward to those two hours of rest in the afternoon, i sooo needed it.
I sat at the corner of the room just staring at the ceiling while he was still screaming on top of his lung. It felt like hours. I realised that I was having postpartum depression, and a nervous breakdown?

My husband saw me in that state, cleaned the room and kisses me on my head. We sat down and i started crying and at that moment there i knew i am not this supermom that people thought that i am. We talked about how we will manage this and it felt good to be able to let it out and share the struggle i have gone through.


.. And it was just the start to acknowledge that I need me time

I learnt from my episode that i need my own time and that life also revolves around me. I need my me time, and I can only do that when I learn to let go.

So after that I had time doing shopping, testing out new clothes. I also had time to look after myself, changing from a size 12 to size 8, and losing 7kg in the process. I felt good, and I do look good.
Sometimes you just needed that. A much needed reminder before you are able to realize that you also matter. And everytime I look at the mirror, put on my lipstick, I am glad that I actually have time for this now.

So, it’s ok if you are not the supermom, or that you are not perfect. Because it is the imperfection that makes life much more valuable.

Lauk for Ramadhan - Guide to Home-Made-Food to your Doorstep

So it’s Ramadhan and it’s the most unlikely time for you to cook at home. But fret not, there seem to be many options out there to help people like me and you. And because there were so many people who helped to compile this list, I felt compelled to share it with all of you.

And here are some of my favorites:

1   

        1. Frozenlauk

You can check out their facebook page for list of food offered. Frozen Lauk does literally frozen lauk. I love their selection of lauk which varies on daily basis from kuzi, masak lemak, kurma, rendang  or even asam pedas. Most of the food cost RM10-RM15 with a nice portion for 2 pax to share. They do free delivery for a min order but do mostly self pickup in ampang or desa pandan area.

2. Yumcious.com

Yumcious is a community marketplace for homemade food and it has recently gained good traction. So far they have 14 featured cooks listed and you would be able to recognize some of the big names there as well. 





I love the the very idea of Yumcious is so that foodies would be able to enjoy food from good and passionate home-chefs everywhere. Yumcious operates with 3 basic premise of having a foodie (for food order), Yum-Chefs (cook your delicious food from the comfort of home) and a Transporter (Pick up and deliver meals). Besides, it’s just like any other take-outs you would normally do but the love for home-made food is a sure winner of why people would opt for this choice. You can check out their website for food option but a lunch/dinner menu would cost around RM15.

 3. Dish by Ili

You may recognize Ili with her trademark tiffin food service (or rather the mangkuk tingkat girl). She was also the Asian Food Channel 2015 Food Hero Asia Winner. Her tiffin complete meal cost around RM50/60 (small) or RM100/RM120 (large) depending on the set you order. There is a deposit for the tiffin which is refunded when you return it (or you can pass your very own). She changes the menu every week with a sizeable portion enough for 2-3 pax. I have tried Ili’s dish and I must say that it is worth every penny.

 4. My Tingkat

Mytingkat.com is another home-style meals delivered to your doorstep. They have come up with a special menu for the month of Ramadhan and they do delivery to many locations in KL and even PJ. Customers who orders for more than 10days or more than RM300 will also get special discount (yeay). I love how they also serve desert and some comes with delicious drinks with it. Yummy. How can you not love mytingkat.  

 5. Mas Merah

Those working in the fabulous PETRONAS Twin Towers may recognize Mas Merah as one of it’s more famous in-house caterer, serving meeting lunches. They now caters for bukak puasa menu and deliver right to the office every single day, with different menu. All the lauk cost about RM4-5 per pax and if you have tried Mas Merah like most of us do, you would want to have the food for your wedding food! Well, some of us did.

 6. Eat With Mune

Some of you may recognize this as an upcoming eatery in Publika, where they serve healthy delicious food. You may also see regulars such as Dynas Mokhtar, Scha Alyahya or the heartthrob Zul Ariffin coming in every other week or so. I haven’t personally tried it, but from the look of the social feed and the many healthy options they have, I felt like a change in lifestyle is necessary for me now. And what better way to do it than to start with eating healthy (ps and because my boss said the grilled selection is da’ bomb, I should try that first! #winner)

7. Tiffin Anaqil

I have not personally tried this yet, but any combo of mangkuk-tingkat style and home-made food for me is a sure winner.

    8. Nasi Dalca Bawang Penang

  

9.  And here are some other recommendation I got from my friends. So you can try them out as well:

a.       Shima 012 330 8482

b.      Razak 0102314052

Happy food hunting. Hope it helps.

Cheers

Count My Blessing #1: Greatest Gift from God. Our Miracle.

AND THEN THERE WERE 3 ... OUR PRECIOUS MIRACLE. 
..... THIS IS THE STORY

I cried for the very first time when they put Mikhael on my chest right after delivery. It was very emotional. Hubby thought that I was crying because I was still in a lot of pain. He calmed me down saying that it’s all over, I have delivered a healthy baby boy. And then I watch as the baby was given his injection and as hubby recite the azan to his ear. If only I can frame this moment.

You see, I was not quite emotional when the doctor told me that I was pregnant. Well, we were only half expecting after many failed attempts. And again no emotion when we heard the baby’s heartbeat for the very first time. But that very moment when the loud cry came, I surrendered to emotion. It was all so beautiful. Aaron Mikhael is our miracle.

We had a tough long distance relationship in the first 2 years of our marriage. I was posted 400kms away from my husband, spending only weekends together. After numerous failed attempts to get pregnant, I insisted to seek help. I brave myself to seek treatment at UM Specialist Centre and then went on to Tropicana to seek answers.

Strangely, none of the doctors found anything wrong with hubby and I but he started me on Clomid anyway to increase my chances (secretly I was hoping that I will be pregnant with twins). It was not after a few months later that the Tropicana specialist found 2 large cysts on each side of my ovary and scheduled me for an operation. And during that very operation that he actually found out that I had endometriosis (which is when tissues lines the uterus grows outside the uterus) which has affected my fertility all these while.

An operation that was just intended to remove these 2 non-harmful cysts that doctor said was not the cause of my infertility became a life changing operation. We would never know I had endo if I did not insist to go for the operation. And Alhamdulilah God was gracious that we found out later that the company covers my 8k operation. Things worked out perfectly.

And this was exactly 1 year ago today….

I spent the next 2 weeks at home resting with lots of well-wishes and people coming over to visit. I was touched that even abah came eventhough he was unwell and been acting quite non-sociable. It was as if he knew that he had to come to see me to show his full support. It was when he passed away a couple of weeks after that I took that as a sign that I should schedule my IUI right away. 

I know that abah has long to see this daughter of his having children of her own. The treatment took place the 2 weeks after he passed away. And it was an immediate success the first time. It felt like abah was there during it all, and praying for me. 

Mika is God’s gift to us when he took abah away.

This is what a friend wrote to me after abah passed away,

“If we ever wonder why they left us too soon, we must maintain a good opinion of God; be content; that He took them away when they were the closest they had ever been to Him, when they were in the highest state of spirituality than they could ever achieve. That He, in his infinite wisdom, has chosen the best of times.

They, nonetheless, await our du'a more than ever. This is the moment they need us most. When the bittersweet memories engulf us, don't be overcome by grief. Muster the strength to pray for them to be amongst His loved ones. With du'a, He the most merciful has given us a chance to redeem ourselves to prove our love, if we had not been the best daughters when their hearts were still beating.

As the tears roll down our cheeks, know in our hearts that they have not left us; for we are moving towards them. They are more alive that we are - that they now reside in the abode of reality while we remain in the abode of dream. “

And when I look at Mika, he reminded me so much of abah. It is as if he is still looking out for his children and praying for our best health.

These 1 year has been a roller-coaster emotion for my family. But still I feel blessed. Mika is our blessing from God when He took a life so dear to us away.

Count my blessing … Aaron Mikhael, you are the greatest gift God has given us.

CMB #1 sneak preview : Welcome baby Aaron Mikhael

So i wanted to start this little project of mine by writing about this miracle of ours. We have been trying for the longest time, and we have explored the possible options and God has finally answered our prayers. 

More about this journey tomorrow, when i will tell you more about this blessing of mine. 

COUNT MY BLESSING #1 - Aaron Mikhael

Aaron is Haron, the brother of Prophet Musa.  He was also referred to as the messenger, as he spoke even better than his brother. 

Mikhael is often known as the angel of mercy. It is said that Mikhael is the angel of sustenance, rewarding rezeki for those deserving

This is our very own Aaron Mikhael, our miracle. 

Daddy is beaming with pride and joy. 
Mommy is resting well and enjoying the late night company.
Baby can't wait to meet all of you and see what the world has to offer. 

Indeed baby Mika will be a distinguished speaker and bring good fortune to everyone all year round. 

Happiness Project - Count Your Blessing

POSITIVE THINGS HAPPEN TO POSITIVE PEOPLE

Well no one likes to be with unhappy people. People love to see be around positive people so that they hope that some of that vibe will rub off on them. That’s why some people are miss popular and some people, well they just are not.

Things have been quite depressing for me as I get older. I used to be this chirpy bubbly girl with lots of energy to do just about anything, to try almost every single thing and to be brave to seek experience. Lately, I have been lazy. Sometimes I tend to blame everything and everyone else around me. Why is it that I am experiencing so much hormonal change when things are actually going well?

When my dad passed away, I started reading happy books. Those self-help book ie. Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project best seller which I hope would guide me towards a self-fulfilling life. I was at the lowest point in my life, and I even took the time to write to her. She kindly replied back, and it thrilled me knowing that she personally replied back that particular email. But that excitement just lasted a month. 

It then became one of the books on the shelves that I hardly touch again. My 12 months resolution didn’t quite match the achievement, and there goes the little project down the drain. I was moving on and focusing on other things deemed important.

I started the same cycle of negativity, hoping that something new would trigger that super-achiever mode in me. I wanted to be my old self again. I started following a lot of these happy people on instagram, hoping that yes, some of it will rub off on me. But it got too depressing sometimes looking at happy people with their perfect life. And you realize that they are all friends of each other, and there are certain traits these people have. It is true when people say, “Birds of a feather flock together”.

It is now a life mission. I want to be that bubbly girl people used to know. Or that super-achiever-very-determined-Ms popular. And for that, I just need to be a bit more focus. Maybe I should start exercising again (yes once confinement is over) to produce that happy adrenaline.

And even when I am down or restless, I should force myself to smile and have happy thought. Fake it till you make it. Today didn’t start all too well, but today will be happy-day-1. I want to start that epic change and be happy. Don’t we all deserve to be? How do you keep yourself happy?

So this is my new project (didn't i say i wanted to stop. duhh). 

I will count my blessings every day, if not every week. I am going to be grateful every day for every single thing that happen in my life, even if it was a blast from the past. Because then i would probably realise that my life is not all too bad. I should learn to be grateful, and then i could find it in me to be totally happy. Maybe that will trigger that self-achiever mode in me again. I can do this! 

Count my blessing. 

*Sunday reflection, feeling dehydrated, lonely, suddenly excited. 

A Mother's Note to His Son - Happy Father's Day

Dear Mika,

There’s so many things that a mother can tell their sons about life. But I don’t think you would want a nagging mother telling you what to do. You would always be mommy’s boy but perhaps heed advice from your father most of the time. Like when mommy says NO, you would run off to papa to undo whatever my instruction would be. Or when you want to marry your dream girl, perhaps papa would give you the life lessons you need to go through that life changing moment. I would always be there though, watching you, getting sentimental at all of your FIRST experiences, making pages and pages of scrapbook to capture every moment.

Sometimes I wonder what makes fathers bond (especially with their daughters) so special. I was never my father’s favorite. I grew up in a big family and with my father’s strict military routine, it is hard to say if your grandfather ever had a favorite child. He is probably the most frugal family man you meet. I hated him most of the time, as he would bring his rotan out and smack us whenever we were loud or if he hear the sounds of something breaking in the house. He can’t stand children, being away most of his life to serve the nation’s finest army. I never understood my father until after I grew up, and perhaps a little too late.

Sometimes I envy other girls parading their loving relationship with their dad, kissing them, hugging them happily. I never had that, it just felt awkward. The only moment I hug my dad was when I tried to calm him and cuddle him to sleep in the hospital bed when he refuses to put his oxygen mask on. And the only time I ever kiss him is at the mosque when he had been bathe, before they laid him to his final rest 6 feet under.

Sometimes you wish you could turn time and tell him that you understood why he was so hard on you before, that you could never ask for a better father. Given the hardship he went through when he was younger and then raising his family, you wish you have then given him the life he wanted when you grew up. But there is no use in regretting what has past.

So Mika, cherish every moment you have with your papa. Never shy away from telling him you love him, even how cheesy it may sound. Hug him always, because as they say, skin contact leaves an imprint for life. And even with multiple fights and arguments you will have with him later, always believe that whenever he raises his voice and uses that rotan, it was because he loves you unconditionally.

When you are a father yourself, perhaps you would understand. 4 weeks old and you are already getting this pep talk from this nagging mommy. I’ll save some of this emotion until Mother’s day next year.

Happy FATHER’s day, and grandFATHER’s day.